Criminal Minds - Strength
by InkStainedHand
Summary: Pairing of Reid/OC (Dr Sam Carter). When a new Agent is transferred to the BAU will her past or the actions of some of the most dangerous criminals stand between her and Reid and with the team in danger is she able to remain strong and save them in time..? Ninja skills, romance and sauciness will ensue...
1. Interference

**No idea how this is going to go so I'll write a decent sized first chapter and if you want more then let me know. I plan for there to be romance, pain, loss, abductions, action and ninja skills to hold on to your hats...**

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TO DO WITH CRIMINAL MINDS OR THE WONDERFUL CAST I AM JUST A LOWLY WRITER :) **

**Remember to READ AND REVIEW, the more the merrier! (Even if you only read the first chapter, any advice is helpful).**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Interference**

The team sat around the round table, weary and impatient. "Look, I know it's late, but I have important news." Hotch began, "Since Cruz and JJ's abduction the board have decided that the team need further assistance for current cases. Until they feel the team are stable enough to continue with matters, without being emotionally compromised, they have chosen a new British agent to transfer to this unit. They said she's at the top of her field in the research and development department for criminal behaviour and emotional psychology, as well as being one of the top graduates from her profiling class at Oxford." Hotch said, rubbing his forehead wearily; an action which he had been doing far more often than usual since the news.  
Morgan looked up from his case file and frowned, "So she's Reid then..?". This remark was met with the deep sound of repressed laughter, which increased when Morgan glanced at Reid and saw his confused expression, "Hey, don't worry pretty boy, I bet she ain't got nothing on you."

JJ, who had been sober since the announcement finally spoke up. "Wait... Hotch... Why do they think we've been emotionally compromised? The team acted on that case just as they would have on any case. If this is just another way of punishing…-".

Hotch cut in, "It's not that, but I understand your apprehension. It's never easy when outside forces alter the team, but it's just something we have to deal with. We have to put up with it until they decide otherwise. Yes, Garcia?"

**"**Sir, who is this new person? What's her name? What does she look like? Is she nice?", Garcia fought against the anxiety that bubbled up every time something tried to change the team. Despite her sometimes sarcastic remarks, she would fight for her family more fiercely than most, and she wasn't about to accept this easily. Morgan knew she was starting to get worked up about it so he tried a reprieve, "Hey, calm down there baby girl, don't let this phase you. This team holds up against anything, remember?". Blake nodded in response and turned her attention to Penelope,"Remember how you felt about me as well..? And now look at us, we get along don't we?".

"You know I meant well," Penelope retorted, "I just don't like people messing with my little cubs is all... I'm like a lioness".

"More like a house cat." whispered Rossi.

Morgan chuckled, "Oh you always mean well baby girl but other people don't always see it. Just give her a chance before you get the claws out."

JJ, thrown off by the laughter and light-heartedness, due to a crushing sense of blame and guilt, pulled the conversation back to the matter, "When does she arrive?". After quickly checking his phone, Hotch responded, "Her flight arrives late this evening and she is scheduled to consult on the case tomorrow. She'll be working in the field with us as well so play nice and let her help, there's a lot at stake and depending on the board's decision this could be a permanent change.".

Reid, who had been following the conversation in quiet contemplation spoke up, "What's her name?"

"She's Dr. Sam Carter. No doubt you and Blake will be familiar with some of her work on behavioural linguistics and in depth field analysis papers."

"Oh yeah, I've heard of her," said Blake, "She wrote a paper last year. I read it. Something on how behaviour and language are linked to assessing the uses of a victim to the UnSub. She does advanced field work... And didn't I hear that she worked around Europe as well," Blake thought for a second, "Didn't she work for Interpol, in the main sector, until recently?" The team, surprised by this announcement, perhaps even more so than the initial one, turned to Hotch. "Yes that is correct. She collaborated with Emily on a few cases, so, once I heard she was being transferred here I made a call. I can imagine you will all be happy to know that, while she is an apparent genius, Emily also said she was one of the kindest and most inspired people she'd worked with, obviously apart from us..." This last comment was met with laughter from the group and a small and rare smile from Hotch. "Now," he continued, "everyone go home, get some rest and be back here for 8:00 am tomorrow, we have a case in Montana that requires attention. You'll find the case files on the table in front of you." With that Hotch turned and left through the door.

JJ, after quickly grabbing the file of reports and gruesome images, ran after him. "Sir... Hotch!" She raised her voice to get his attention, "Hotch look. If this is somehow my fault and they're doing this because they want to get at me then please just tell me." Hotch saw the concern on JJ's face, she continued, "The team have been through so much in the past few years, doesn't the board realise that this probably isn't the best move?".

He sighed, "JJ, look, this is in no way your fault. They made a choice and we have to go along with it. I have been reassured that this won't cause any unnecessary problems and from what I have been told, while the board aren't happy with what happened to you and Cruz, they understand the situation and, because it was in relation to the federal government and appointed by them, they have no grounds to give you any penalties. Please, go home and rest, don't let this bother you."

* * *

Back in the conference room the team were deep in discussion about what Sam was going to be like. "Well if Emily likes her then she can't be that bad, right?", Garcia was nervous but trying hard to hide it. Reid chimed in, "She's one of the best researchers I've read about, some of her work is amazing. It'll be nice to have someone else around here who understands some of the things I say. Apart from Blake no one seems very interested." This led Reid to state another obscure fact, "Hey, did you know, statistically, 25% of people say they can keep a conversation going no matter what the topic, which means there are 1,750,000,000 on this planet who think themselves capable of being that socially flexible; Yet the five of you struggle to maintain any conversations with me about physics, facts or literature."

"Oh sweetie," Garcia replied, "That's because in today's modern culture there are much more interesting things to be talking about." She giggled.

"Hey Reid," said Morgan, "Sounds like you might have a little bit of competition with this girl, eh?" Reid looked at him with a blank expression, "I dont understand what you mean. Besides, I've never even met her so you have nothing to base this on."

"Ooooooh, pretty boy is blushing," a deep laugh escaped Derek's throat, "this girl is either going to be the new resident genius or there is going to be some fierce competition between you too." Reid dismissed him with a roll of his eyes and a frown which gently creased his brow line, quickly changing the subject.

"Is anyone up for food? I heard about this new Chinese place a couple of blocks away."

"Sorry, I've got plans tonight. And a lot of work to do." Blake gave them a quick wave and smile as she left.

"What about you guys?" Reid asked Morgan and Garcia as they were all getting up to go to their desks. "Yeah I'm in. Greasy food and alcohol is exactly what I need right now." Morgan shot her a sideways look, "Hey blondie, wanna' tell me what's up?" She flicked her hair in his general direction, "Nothing I can't handle but something which isn't going away tonight. You coming for take-out?"

He thought for a moment, "Sure thing, I haven't got any plans tonight and I'm not taking no for an answer, you know I'm not giving up." Garcia muttered a frustrated 'ugh' under her breath and started walking to the elevator with Morgan.

"Hey JJ," Reid said, catching site of her out of the corner of his eye, "Me, Garcia and Morgan are all going out to eat. Do you wanna' come?"

JJ drew herself back to what was happening around her, "Oh sorry Reid, I've got plans with Will tonight, I can't."

"Hey," Reid continued, "You OK?" She looked at him and for a split second contemplated telling him about her concerns but then with a dismissive yawn simply replied, "Yeah I'm fine, just tired. I'll catch you all in the morning, OK?"

"OK" He said, not convinced, "Bye." Thinking about JJ's expression and her tone of voice Reid walked to where Morgan was standing with his arm slung over Garcia's shoulders, "You guys think JJ's OK? She seemed slightly off to me."

"I'm sure she's fine," said Morgan, "She's probably just stressed out about this new girl. She'll be OK." With a final look over his should Reid breathed a _'yeah'_ and let it go. "Hey did you guys know I can almost always predict what the fortune cookies are?"

"OH NO WAY!" Garcia laughed with disbelief, "Even for you, boy wonder, that is far out there." The lift arrived and they got in, "It's just a matter of balancing the probabilities of...-",

"Reid do NOT ruin fortune cookies for me, just relax for a second." Garcia prodded him and the doors shut on their smirking faces.


	2. Introductions

**Chapter 2 - Introductions**

At 8:00 am the group met in the conference room. Reid, Morgan, Blake and Garcia sat in anticipation while JJ stood anxiously in the corner, about to continue pacing when Hotch walked. Next to him was a woman none of them had seen before.

So this was the Dr.

She couldn't have been older than about 30. Her face still showed touches of youth, her eyes a stormy blue. Her soft, round features were framed by a mass of thick chocolate hair, still tinged with the remains of a deep purple dye. She was tall for a woman, Reid noted. Standing at about 5"10, with legs almost two thirds of that height. Most interesting, he thought, were the clothes. Almost a reflection of his own style, yet verging toward fashionable rather than antique. A pale blouse covered by a burgundy cardigan that hung open. High-waisted, leg hugging trousers, which fell low to the floor, yet not low enough to hide the evidence of the classic converse she wore underneath. As she walked further into the room her bangs swung gently around her eyes which, ever so slowly, finished their sweeping gaze of the room and came to rest on his. A shy smile fell upon her lips.

"Team, this is Dr Sam Carter. Dr Carter these are Agents Morgan, Garcia, Jareau and Dr's Blake and Reid." Hotch, having already introduced himself earlier that morning, gestured to each team member. In turn, Sam waved at them, ignoring the outstretched hands offered up to her. "Sorry," She said, "I prefer not to touch. Do you understand..?" As one, the team turned toward Reid and, with their eyebrows raised as far as possible, they laughed. He frowned.

Not understanding the joke the new Dr simply looked around, confused and embarassed.

Hotch, knowing which direction the conversation was about to lead in, changed the subject, "Right, let's begin then shall we. Garcia?". The team gathered and sat around the table. "Right OK," Said Garcia, "Last week, in White Haven, Lincoln county, Montana, two people were murdered. One in his home, the other while she was out walking. The victims names were Mark Hardleigh and Charlotte Brown. He was a lowly shop assistant and she was a college student. Both victims were stabbed, Mr Hardleigh 48 times. Miss Brown 91. Miss Brown was also repeatedly raped and beaten. Now, as if that isn't bad enough, last night the UnSub claimed another three victims. Holly Wilmer, Matthew Jordan and Mary Stanston. Again, Matthew worked at his local store and the girls were both college students, although they didn't know each other."

"The MO was exactly the same" said Rossi.

"Yes, he was stabbed and they were stabbed, beaten and raped." The look of horror on Garcia's face was intense she angled her back toward the images which flashed up on the screen.

"All five were low risk victims. It seems like they were victims of opportunity, if you look at where they were taken from and where they were found, but these were people who have family and friends and are rarely alone, so... Maybe not victims of opportunity then?" This was the first time Sam had spoken to any length. She had a soft and strong voice. "I see they were taken when alone. So the UnSub must has stalked them in order to get to know their schedules. But three victims in one evening? That's intense. It would be almost impossible to keep track of stalking that many people in such a short time."

Hotch spoke up, "Which is why the local force has requested our presence. They have a fairly close knit community and after last night, panic is already starting to emerge. Wheels up in 30."

And with that Hotch, Rossi and Blake left.

Garcia turned to Sam and lit up. "It's so nice to meet you, despite the circumstances, we've never had a Brit on our team before and your accent is just adorable. Where are you from?"

With a timid cough Sam looked up from her case file, "I'm from Devon... That's down on the bottom part of England."

Garcia seemed genuinely interested, "I've only ever been to London. Is it like that?"

The young doctor looked slightly uncomfortable but amused, "No, far from it. There are a lot of fields and animals. Small towns, no large business buildings or shopping centers." Reid and Morgan, having stayed to listen to this conversation got up.

"Hey, let me give you a quick tour of the bull pen." Morgan gestured to Sam and they left.

"JJ oh my god look." said Penelope. JJ looked up and said, "What Garcia?". Garcia was giggling to herself and whispered to JJ, "Look at Reid! If that isn't the look of someone trying to hide a crush then I don't know what is." Both women turned their attention to Reid who was focused on the Dr. Currently orientating herself within the mass of desks. "You know I can hear you." Reid turned to face them, a mixture of embarrassment and denial on his face. "I don't have a crush OK. She's just and interesting person." He headed for the door, then paused, "Oh and for the record, Devon is a county, reaching from the Bristol Channel in the north to the English Channel in the south and is approximately 6,707 km²".

"Of course he know's that," said JJ, "Why wouldn't he." She sighed. "Ok well I'll see you when we get back Garcia, and I'll let you know how this turns out." JJ left, smiling at the small wave Penelope was giving her as she exited through the opposite door.

* * *

"I still can't believe you actually have your own jet," Sam mused, baffled at the luxury, "Did you know that it was initially Frank Whittle, an English inventor and RAF officer, who developed the concept of the jet engine in 1928..?" Reid looked up, "I did actually, though not many people do." Hotch cut the conversation short, "OK, let's go over the case files. Five victims within a week. Significant overkill. If his timeline is anything to go by then we should be expecting more in the not too distant future."

"A single man and one if not more than one female, most likely college students as well as men with menial jobs" Rossi thought for a second, "Judging by the victimology our UnSub might be a man in his mid to late twenties, mirroring that of his victims, who feels emasculated by his everyday life. Most likely by a women who shares the physical description of our female victims. Maybe a wife or mother."  
"Actually I don't think it's just that," said Reid, "If he is killing men with menial jobs then it seems like contempt. This could be a reflection of self loathing or the killing or surrogates. Perhaps he's being emasculated within his job hierarchy by a similar woman." Blake paused from her analysis of the images in front of her, "That would make sense. He lacks control and power within his normal life so he asserts himself through his crimes. Rape is a way of gaining control over your victims and stabbing is a very intimate way to kill someone. It can be fast or slow depending on what the UnSub choses."

"Which gives him the power." JJ contemplated, "Hotch I think we should set up a press conference when we get there. A killer with specific victims might be slowed if his prey are on their guard."

Hotch asserted himself, "While it does have the possibility to diversify the victims and make him harder to catch I don't think this type of killer will change his MO or victims, he seems well established. Set up a small press conference, just a couple of local media informants. To get the word out. But don't publicize the presence of the bureau, that could have the opposite effect. Garcia...", "Sir yes sir, all ready and waiting sir!", "Garcia I want you to look for links between the victims, between their families, the schools, everything. Something which could be an indicator as to why they were chosen of something which doesn't fit in with their daily lives. Also look for previous crimes in the surrounding area which match this MO"

"Thy will be done. Garcia out." The computer screen faded to black.

"Rossi, you and Blake go to the coroners office, look at the recent victims, find out all you can and talk to the medical examiner, he might have more information by now. Reid you and Carter check out the abduction sites, see if you can gain any knowledge of how he gets around or how he is abducting his victims. At this point anything will help. We need to hit the ground running, we can't afford any more fatalities. We'll be landing in a couple of hours so everyone get some rest."


	3. Eventually

**Chapter 3 – Eventually**

"I still can't believe who it was. I mean it just wasn't what I'd expected." Sam mused while looking out of the window into the swirling clouds. After three days in Montana, they'd finally caught the UnSub. He wasn't what any of them had expected, despite the profile. _'I guess that's because no one expects a 15 year old boy who has been sexually abused by both his parents' _said a small voice in the back of her head. The plane was quiet; all anyone could think about was the look on the boy's face. A look of such intense shame and guilt that was silenced by the sound of his gunshot.

When she'd been told she was being transferred this wasn't what she'd thought she was getting into. Sam was used to infiltration, undercover work, educational research and teaching. This was intense.

"Hey, you OK there?" asked Morgan, taking the seat opposite her. "Yeah, I'm fine I guess. It wasn't what I was expecting for my first case, but I can't change anything and this is the job so there's no point in complaining, right?"

"It all hits us hard every once in a while," He replied, "you just need to learn how to deal with it. I'm not saying it gets easy or that you get used to it, it's never like that, at least not from my experience. If it's any consolation you were amazing, despite what you felt you managed to do a good job. Not to mention the fact that you were the one that pointed out the flaw in the profile which led us to the right guy. You just gotta' believe in yourself a little more, you'll get there."

"I just want to help people, you know? That's all I've ever wanted. And if that's what I achieve by doing this job then I don't have anything to complain about really." Morgan looked at her searchingly for a moment and saw such depth of compassion on her face that he knew there must be a backstory, but now was no time to ask so he just let a small frown cover his face and quietly said, "Get some rest." Then resumed his seat with the other members of the team who were sleeping, which was all apart from Reid. Sam paused, letting what he'd said fully sink in. The moonlight caught her pale face and the small reading light beside her cast a shadow on her cheeks.

She sighed.

Then got up to get a drink. Reid met her in the small kitchen area. "Hi." He said sheepishly, nodding to her.

"Hey," Sam smiled, "You making coffee?"

"Yeah, you want some?" He looked up from what he was doing.

"Oh please. I don't think I'll be getting any sleep till we get back so I thought I might do some reading. Unfortunately my eyes aren't currently registering my train of thought." She snickered. Once Reid was done making the two cups of coffee they took them to where Sam was previously sitting. He thought for a split second then took the seat opposite her. "What are you reading?" he inquired.

"Well…" Sam looked through her satchel, "I have just finished my last Conan Doyle book so…" She searched further, "Ah!" she exclaimed quietly, "So I'm moving onto Bleak House. Can't go wrong with the classics." She winked at him, grinning. _'She's definitely come out of herself over the past couple of days' _thought Reid. Sam seemed happy, despite what they had just experienced. She was less awkward in the company of the team and had even contributed jovially to some conversations the team had had. "Who's your favourite author then?" She asked interrupting his train of thought and causing him to be thrown off for a moment.

"I have a certain fondness for fact and fiction books alike. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote some amazing pieces and Charles Dickins wrote some insightful literature, despite the restrictions of his time. I don't know if I could say with certainty I have a favourite author but I've recently finished with Einstein's theory of relativity, although I read it when I was 9 and can still remember every word."

"Yeah, you're the one with an eidetic memory. I guess that's both a gift and a curse considering your field of work. But I know what you mean. I read extensively and I find it hard to choose just one person, there are so many genres and subgenres that I enjoy. Oh," she bit her lip as if to hold back a chuckle, "I read his theory of relativity when I was 16 and you're the only person I've met up to now who's actually beaten me on that one," her laugh escaped her, "Well done on that one." Reid smiled at her, there was something about this woman that he liked, but he couldn't manage to put his finger on it. He admired her knowledge, but he'd come across others, such as Blake, who knew as much as her so that didn't seem to be it. She was attractive, perhaps not by societal standards, but her features held an attraction for him. Yet still he did not believe that was it. Since Maeve there hadn't been anyone in his life that he had been even remotely interested in, but now he felt like if he wasn't careful that might change. And Reid didn't know if he was prepared to face that change. He didn't know what to feel and this recent strain on his emotions was starting to bug him. He needed someone to talk to but felt like he couldn't trust anyone in the team with the subject. Unless… He paused in his musings and glanced across the table quickly; his eyes fell on Sam reading her book under the dim light. That was it. Reid resolved to talk to JJ about it as soon as he had built up the courage to do so, until then he would try and keep his distance and quell these feelings which seemed to be growing inside him. He didn't want to let things get out of control and for it to end as it had in the past. Besides, if he actually felt something, it could wait. Not to mention the fact that Carter probably didn't feel the same way about him.


	4. A conversation

**Sorry if this one is too short, I just wanted to get something in between Reid and JJ about how he is beginning to feel about the new Dr. Hopefully I've managed to do them justice. Just a reminder that REVIEWS=MORE CHAPTERS and MORE STORIES. So get reviewing please!**

* * *

**Chapter 4 – A conversation**

Reid waited until the afternoon to ask JJ whether she could give him some advice. It had been five weeks since the case in Montana and all the while he'd felt himself growing more and more fond of Carter's actions, the things she said, how she said them and most everything about her.

He'd been distracted all day, wondering what JJ would have to say on the matter. They'd been close for years and he knew that, despite her protective streak, she'd tell him the truth and help him make sense of his distractive thoughts.

Most of the team had just left but he'd just seen JJ return to her office with a large pile of case files. Now was as good a time as any. He stood, pausing for a second to cement his thoughts and, walking at a carefully measured pace, traced JJ's steps back to her small, storage-like room. He knocked and she looked up from her writing, "Hey Spence, you OK?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine I just wondered if I could have a minute. I just wanted to talk to you about something..?"

She studied him for a moment, half worried about what it was he was going to say to her then, realising she'd probably been silent for too long, responded, "Sure. Come in and sit down. What's up?"

Reid quietly closed the door, sat down and rested his face on his hands for a second, then looked up directly at JJ. "Spence, what's going on?" She seemed really concerned. "It's nothing important, or bad. I mean… What I mean is, it's nothing to be worried about… I just need some advice"

Her concern deepened "Advice about what?"

He let out all the air he was holding and started, "Ever since Maeve, I mean, ever since that happened, since she died, I've felt like I'm going to be alone. And while I didn't argue with that it wasn't something that I was happy with. I loved her…" He took a breath, "I loved her a lot, more than I have anyone. A piece of me will always love her, but is it wrong for me to feel guilty for being interested in someone else? I mean, I know it's not logical, but I just-". JJ cut him off knowing that this was a very hard topic for him to talk about openly. Even as he spoke she could detect the raw emotion in his voice.

"Reid. Hey, Reid look at me." He did. "Reid you can't control who you love of how you feel for someone else. I know you loved Maeve and I can't imagine how hard her passing was for you. While I understand that that moment will always be fresh in your mind, it was 5 years ago. You shouldn't make yourself feel guilty for wanting to be happy with someone else. That's all everyone wants for you, even Maeve. If she were here she'd say the same."

"If she was here then I'd be with her though," he interrupted bitterly, "I feel as though by having affection for someone else is a form of betrayal. I don't want to waste my feelings on someone who will either be around for a short time or who doesn't feel the same way." His eyes seemed to be searching JJ's face, gauging her response to his outburst.

"Is this about Sam?"

The silence in the room was thick and tense, "JJ I've only known her for five weeks! How is it possible for me to like her in any way, with Maeve I… We spoke for months-"

"Reid you have to stop comparing how everything is now to how everything was back then. People love each other in different ways and for different reasons. Just because you might like Sam now doesn't mean you never liked Maeve or that what you had with her wasn't as important. But you need to live in the present and appreciate the opportunities you have. Don't waste the little of youth you have on mourning over your past. Spence you're only 32. You have to make the choice to be happy."

Reid fully buried his face in his hands breathed deeply. Noticing his reaction JJ got up and moved around the desk toward him, taking the seat to his right. She placed her arm gently around his shoulders and spoke softly, "Reid no one is saying you have to rush anything or force yourself to feel a certain way. If you like Sam then it will come to you in time. Having cold feet is common, even I have then when Will asked to marry me the first time. You just have to believe that the choices you're making are one's which will benefit you, as well as others. It's going to be OK. Don't wear yourself down, OK, please just breathe. Calm down." Having almost reached the point of hyperventilation and returned to a normal breathing pattern Reid looked up from his palms. His face was a mass of misery, shame, apprehension and hope. "You probably think it's really stupid me coming in here saying all this." He gave a self-depreciating laugh.

"Not at all! If there's anything I can do to help you then I will, remember that OK. The team are here for you. And if you feel worried again or lose hope just remember who you are. You are Spencer Reid: resident genius and the cutest of the bunch. Once people get to know you, there's nothing they won't like. Try and be happy OK and come to me if you need anything."

After regaining his composure he spoke, "Really..? Thanks JJ." He gave a small smile, "Thanks for your help and advice. Hey um… Is it OK if we just keep this between us? I don't want anyone to find out about it..?"

"Of course." Her face melted into a soft smile which followed him as he left. She was worried and would worry no matter what he said. After Maeve's death his dilauded addiction got worse and if something happened to Sam she didn't know how he would react. _'Spence is put under too much pressure for someone so young'_ she thought, _'I hate to see him so torn up and vulnerable. I don't think he realises that the closeness between him and Sam is obvious to a team of experienced profilers'_.


	5. Time

**Chapter 5 – Time**

It had been six months since Reid's talk with JJ. So far the board hadn't made a choice to alter the situation within the team and for that Sam was thankful. It had taken her quite a while to be fully accepted into their small family. It would never have taken anyone else so long but, being the socially awkward and distant person she was, it had been harder for her to properly open up and connect with them. But it had happened eventually and she'd made such good friends, especially with Garcia and Blake. Garcia, she thought, was a reflection of everything she wished she'd had in an older sister. She was kind, caring, thoughtful and passionate, sometimes overly so, but it amused Sam to see her at work. As for Blake. Well… Sam couldn't think or another intelligent female she'd had to admire before now. Sure she'd been around people like JJ and Prentiss, and they were cool in their own way, but Sam found Blake to have more interest in similar fields and they got on really well.

She liked JJ too, but found that she never had much of a chance to connect with her up till now. JJ always seemed to be in her office, sorting through case files or with her family. Sam thought she and JJ were good friends, she'd been one of the one's to help her fit in, but they'd just never had much time to spend together. And Sam found it hard entering into such a close knit family since they were already so well established.

When it came to the men… Well… She found Morgan to be funny and easy-going, but strong and kind. And the flirtatious banter between him and Garcia always made her laugh. Hotch and Rossi, frequently involved in their own worlds filled with worry and responsibilities, had been harder to communicate with, but she'd found the time. She'd read many of Rossi's books before and she found him an interesting person to be around. He always seemed to be able to keep the team together, even when times got tough, she liked that about him. Hotch had been considerate, helping her with the transition from her UK position to her role within the BAU. He'd repeatedly been there to offer support and advice and he'd helped her talk through some of her worries about what it was like to be working for the FBI.

And Reid.

Sam found Reid the most interesting of all. At first he seemed quite closed off, but from what the rest of the team had told her that was normal for him. He was almost a reflection of herself. He'd repeatedly be there to offer insight and breakthroughs for a case. He seemed to be open to a whole wealth of knowledge which was foreign to her, she liked that about him. In fact, it was hard for her to accept, but she liked a lot about him. For the past few months she'd repeatedly felt them drawing closer and closer but time and time again Reid would pull away, as though he was worried about something happening. God knows what. _'Maybe he just doesn't like you'_ part of her though_. 'Maybe you're just making this up to make you feel better. Besides, look at him and look at you, there really isn't any chance there'. _She hated to admit it, but the hurtful voice inside her head was most likely right. Despite what she felt, she didn't think anything would emerge between them, which was slightly disappointing. "Hey Carter!" A voice called her out of her moments of self-reflection. "Hey, anybody in there?" She looked around.

"Yeah? Oh, hey Morgan, what's up?"

He frowned slightly then continued, "We've got a case. It's just come in now. Hotch seems really concerned so it must be bad. Conference room."

Sam couldn't hide the look of sudden fear that was thrust upon her.

Hotch strode out of the conference room at a brisk pace, heading toward his office. He didn't pause, not even took look over his shoulder, when he said, "Carter. My office. Now"

Knowing that he was not in a good mood she didn't hesitate before rushing over, her face still a mess of worry. "This is so not good." She heard Reid whisper to Morgan as they filtered into the conference room. The only reply he got was, "You don't say."

"Close the door behind you." Hotch ordered. She did, unquestioningly. "Um Hotch… What's wrong? If it's something I've done then…-"

He didn't give her time to finish before starting.

"Over the past few weeks there have been a few local abductions, the police weren't particularly concerned with the case as despite the disappearances, no bodies were found. They didn't involve the bureau until due to a recent change in evidence left at the crime scene."

Sam stood confused, across the room, "Sir I don't understand what this has to do with me…"

"I've not finished." He motioned to a chair, "Sit down."

"I'd rather stand." She replied curtly, to which he acknowledged with a small nod. "Hotch what is all this about?"

"Last night Michael Moer was abducted from his home. The local force found nothing at the scene to identify the UnSub, however he left a letter."

She tilted her head, considering what he was saying, "What was so special about the letter that they felt the need to involve the BAU?"

Hotch glanced down at his desk and retrieved the envelope, "They were given strict, if not threatening, instructions, which stated that the only person allowed to open the letter is the person it is addressed to. That person being you. If anyone else tried to read the contents of this letter before you did… The UnSub threatened to take and kill everyone they cared about." He gave the Dr a moment to think about what he'd said, noticing that her expression was of total confusion and dread. "Now," he said, "Before I allow you to open this letter I have to ask you some questions."

"Questions?" She breathed, "What questions?"

The next thing he said was blunt, despite his gentle, warning tone. "Are you involved in, or have you been involved in, anything which could have caused the events which are unfolding?"

"What! No, of course not!" Sam squeaked, her voice rising, "I hope you don't think I'm involved!?"

Hotch looked down at the envelope then back up, straight at her, "You've been in the country almost half a year, which isn't long by most standards. I need to know if there is anything you have to say about this, because the last time one of my team hid the truth from me she almost died, causing a large rift between us as a whole. Now is there anything you can think of?"

"Hotch I have no idea who could be doing this, very few people knew I'd been transferred to the bureau. In fact, only the people who transferred me, my Interpol colleagues and my family. And not one of them would do this!"

His gaze searched her fact for any trace of a lie and seeming to not find one, he asked a final question. "What about anyone from the time you did infiltration work?"

Aaron," she said, using his first name in an exasperated tone, "I've told you. Most no one knows I'm here, I don't know who this is, I'm sorry."

"I understand," he replied, handing the letter over, "If you could please read this while I go and brief the team about the case. When you're finished come to the conference room and allow me to inform the team of the letter and its contents as well." He assessed her for a second, "Are you OK?"

"Despite the current situation, yeah I'm fine, thanks." She gave him a meek smile as he left and sat down to read…

_Doctor Sam Carter, or is it Agent now? Or both? How amusing to see you working for law enforcement. Personally I never thought you'd make it. I must admit, I have missed you, missed our little talks. Well, they were never really little were they..? They always seemed to end in the same place, me showing you how children are __**supposed**__ to act. You were such an insolent little bitch in those days and I can't imagine you've changed much since. Always thinking __**you**__ were __**right. Pathetic.**__ But I'm back now. Back to teach you how you should behave. And if you try to fight me, I will hurt that small group of people you call your family, because after all, family means __**nothing**__ to you._

_Oh I can't wait to see you. I do hope you feel the same. I am ready, so come and play._

_You'll be hearing from me soon, _

_Yours,_

_DCA_

Sam looked up from the letter feeling sicker than she had done in years. _'DCA! I think I know'_ said a little part of her, _'I know who it is!' _She squashed the feeling rising up inside of her, _'NO!'_ she countered, _'NO, NO, NO!_' She hadn't seen him in fifteen years, and she very much doubted he would follw her to another country in order to exact some kind of sick revenge. Standing and waiting for a moment to regain her equilibrium she repressed the thought and dismissed it, _'Impossible, it's just another psychopath that wants to play games'_. Composing herself, she walked to the conference room.

The team looked up as she entered but she ignored the questioning glances and walked straight to Hotch, returning the letter. Then, she took her seat. His gaze was worst of all; she felt as though his eyes were piercing the mask she was using to hide her distress.

"Any idea who it could be now you've read it." Asked her Unit Chief

She quickly shot a look at the rest of her team; all eyes were on her. "No. None at all." The doctor responded, perhaps too quickly. No amount of playacting could get rid of the nauseating feeling she had rising in her stomach. _'Oh god'_ she though _'I think I'm gonna'-'_, "Excuse me." Sam ran out of the room, leaving the startled expressions of the team behind her and to the nearest toilet, promptly throwing up a mornings worth of food. In a quiet voice to herself she whispered, "Damn, there's no way he'll believe me now."


	6. Confusion

**Chapter 6 – Confusion**

The team rode in silence to the station. Hotch, Morgan, Rossi and Reid in one SUV whilst JJ, Blake and Carter were in the other. About ten minutes from their destination, JJ turned to Sam. "Hey, about what happened at the office, are you OK? You seemed pretty upset. If you know anything…"

She didn't finish the sentence but Sam knew what she would say, _'If you know something you should let us know. We can help'_, but Sam knew that if it was who she suspected then there was nothing they could do to help. He only wanted her and she'd know for sure if it was him when he took her. And that was what was scaring her so much, if it was him, then she didn't have much of a chance. _'But wait'_ the young doctor thought to herself, _'I'm not a child anymore'_. And with that strengthening thought she turned back to JJ. "I honestly have no idea who could be doing this. They seem to know me, but no one comes to mind. If they do then I'll let you know, OK. I was just a bit thrown off by the letter before is all." Sam turned to the window and looked out at the passing buildings, officially shutting herself off. JJ shot sideways glance at Blake and gave a small shrug. She knew there was more to it than that, but she'd believed Sam when she'd said she didn't know, although JJ thought she might know slightly more than she was letting on. Blake sighed and they continued on to the station in peace again.

* * *

The team had been working the case for almost a day when the next letter arrived. It was addressed to Sam again. The only member of the team around when she'd discovered it was Reid. It was pinned to a body, found not far from the station. When one of the cops had given it to her to read she'd almost passed out, it was only the comforting heat radiating from Reid's steady hand on the small of her back that kept her centred. He'd not left her side when she'd opened it, picking up on the fact that she had been heavily affected by its presence. It read:

_Carter, _

_It won't be long now before we see each other. Personally I can't wait, I don't know about you. I have all sorts of plans for when I see you. And don't worry. Your team won't miss out. _

_Yours, _

_DCA_

It was so sudden, the threats so subtle, that once again she had to empty her stomach on the nearest flowerbed. Reid followed her and held her hair back. The look of his face when she straightened up was once of intense concern and compassion. "Are you OK? Don't worry, you're safe, we're all here for you." It seemed as though he was at a loss for words and she didn't blame him. She had no idea to explain her reaction except the anxiety she felt in the depth of her stomach. "I'm worried," she said, "Not for myself, but for the rest of you. Whoever this psychopath is he's obviously obsessed with me and I don't want the rest of you dragged into that."

His expression changed as he spoke, "The last time one of the people I cared about tried to protect me and the rest of the team, she nearly died and I was hurt so profoundly by that that I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again. You have to trust us and let us help you. Please." His expression was a mixture of resolution and pleading and her heart went out to him. She was finding it harder and harder to hide her feelings for this man and she wasn't sure what the result was going to be when they became clear. Speechless, Sam simply leant over and held him, whispering in his ear, "Thank you." Then, clearing her throat, she pulled back from their embrace and giving him a shy smile, walked back to the car, missing the look of repressed joy which slid over his features.

When they'd made it back to the station, Sam had handed the letter over to Hotch without a word. The expressions of the team ranged from worry to outright discomfort and while she knew she was being watched, Sam's mind was elsewhere. Tomorrow would be nearly three days since this had started. And if it was who she suspected then his plan would reveal itself soon.

He'd never been one to wait.

'_Why am I not sharing this with them?'_ she thought, _'Why?! Why can't I bring myself to share my doubts and suspicions? I can't do this anymore, I need to tell them, they can help. Can't they..?' _Her inner monologue was interrupted by Hotch announcing that they could all go back to their hotel rooms until 8:00 am. That should probably mean something to her but considering it was 1:00 am now she doubted she'd get much sleep.

The team departed the office and took the cars back to the hotel. They would have been staying at their own places but they were too far away for the commute to be possible under the circumstances; which was annoying, because Sam desired the safety of her home right now, but she couldn't argue as she'd give away her true motive.

Being this secretive was exasperating, she needed to tell someone. It was just as she was thinking this that Reid came up to her and asked if she'd like to grab some coffee and go over the case. She made her decision. When they were alone she would seek his advice, doing her best to give away as little of her past as she could. "Sure," Carter replied, "My room or yours?" She laughed inwardly at the pun and could see a twitch of a smile on the other doctor's face. "Mine," he said, "I have something I need to get. Besides, they're right next to one another anyway." So they walked up to his room, talking about what they'd discovered so far. As he opened the door she said, "Hey, about that… There's a possibility I know who is doing this. I mean, I didn't know for certain before but I've been doing some thinking and… It's become a possibility."

Reid frowned, "Why didn't you let me know sooner?"

"Because…-" By this time they had entered his room, yet before she could say another word someone flew out from behind the closing door and onto Sam. "Reid!" she screamed at the top of her voice, hitting the carpet. He turned, but it was too late. She felt the needle pierce her skin and the last thing she saw was another figure doing the same to Reid. _'Oh no,'_ she thought. Over and over. _'Oh no oh no oh no. He's come for me. I'm dead… I hope the team are OK.' _

She faded out of consciousness.


	7. Desperation

**Chapter 7 – Desperation**

The air was thick with the smell of damp and mould and something else. Something indescribable. The only sound was of heavy breathing and… And whispers. Whispers in the dark. Coming rushing back into consciousness Sam took a heaving breath that almost made her choke. Immediately she started to hyperventilate, being suffocated by the darkness and stagnant fear. Then she heard it. Someone was whispering to her; whispering her name. "Sam. Sam…" Then stronger. "Sam you have to listen to me. Listen to my voice. Are you OK?"

Her voice was harsh and rasped against her dry throat, "Hotch? Hotch where are you? I can't see!"

His response was stronger again, "Sam, listen to me, focus on my voice, just my voice. _Are you hurt?_"

"No, I don't think… No… I think I'm OK… Wait Hotch, what are you doing here? Where's Reid?" She started to spiral out of control again, losing her center. But then another voice joined the echo, "I'm here. I'm OK." He sounded weak, it was like a knife to her stomach.

"Oh God. Oh my God…" Her voice wavered. Hotch, realising she was about to lose herself, started talking, regaining her attention. "Sam we're all here. All eight of us. They came into our rooms and caught us unawares."

Sam, taking a moment to think, realised what he'd just said. "Eight?! They got Garcia as well?"

She heard a quiet voice from the corner, "Yeah, they got me as well. Assholes!" It was barely more than a whisper but it made hope burn slightly stronger inside of her. _She was OK!_ Then she remembered, "How is everyone else? Is anybody hurt?"

For the first time since she'd regained consciousness she heard Morgan's voice, "Nothing more than a few cuts and bruises, nothing bad." JJ, Blake and Rossi all chimed in in quiet tones. _'Oh thank God'_ she thought to herself.

Once again, Hotch called her focus back to their conversation. "Carter, Reid said that before you were taken you were telling him you knew who was doing this. Is that true?" Silence ensued.

"Carter if that's the case then why didn't you tell me?"

Frustrated at her secret having gotten out she sprang to her defence, "I didn't know until that day, and even then I wasn't entirely sure. That's why I was going to talk to Reid about it."

He paused, accepting this statement for the time being, then spoke again. "Who is it?"

Before Sam had time to answer his question, the lights came on and they were sprang into a fierce white light. From what she saw while blinking through the initial pain was this. The other members of the team were chained to the wall near her, she was chained to the ceiling; her arms above her. They appeared to be in a warehouse-like building. Dilapidated as it was it appeared to be vast and robust in its structure. Perhaps containing a range of different rooms. And if she knew the UnSub like she thought she did, then nowhere near any type of civilisation.

He would be prepared.

Running all this through her mind she failed to notice a door open at the far side of the room. A man emerged and started toward them. He approached from behind her, limiting her view but allowing her team members to see his face. He came up beside her, then spoke.

"I do apologise for the circumstances which we meet under and the sparseness of your accommodations, however I felt it necessary to keep you all here until such a time that my boss decides he's done with you. Mainly," he drawled, facing Sam, "mainly you my pretty." Moving his hand to stroke across her exposed stomach he continued in hushed tones, "Oh he's got special plans for you." He kissed her cheek forcefully and backed out of the room (if you could call it a room. It was more like a hall). The team all had their attentions focused on Sam, suspended from the ceiling, shaking uncontrollably, almost in spasms. Reid had his jaw clenched and unable to face what had happened, had turned away in an effort to mask his pain. Blake tried to regain control of the situation, "Sam, you need to pay attention to us OK. Don't think about what he did to you. Focus on us OK. You need to open your eyes and talk to us."

But she was too far gone into a state of panic and despair. She passed out; tears falling from her eyes.

When she awoke from her second spate of unconsciousness she found the team talking among themselves. Trying to profile the UnSub, trying to devise a way out of their situation.

But little did they know was that all they could do was play along. They had no other choice.

Noticing her conscious state, Reid spoke up, "How are you feeling?" His voice drew attention to her and she felt increasingly uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm spiffing. Great. Wonderful. Marvellous." She laughed to herself. "I think I may have accidentally put one too many positives in there." She laughed again. A joyous sound rippling through the tension in the air. Looking between one another with cautious and worried glances the team remained quiet. "Calm down," she continued, "They've not broken me yet." She took a breath. "I do hope you realise not all English people are made of glass. He won't get to me. Not again."

Reid spoke softly to her again, "Who is it that's doing this to us? To you?" Giving herself a moment to consolidate her thoughts she remained silent, then letting out her air in a sigh, the young doctor continued spoke again. "If it's who I think it is then he is… I mean, he was… Yeah, he was my stepdad at one point I guess. No familial love lost there, as you can probably guess. But it's been years since I've seen him. Granted we didn't split on very good terms, but I had kinda' hoped he'd died. I guess that was just optimistic thinking." Her laugh was quieter this time, interrupted by the thick steel door opening once again.

It was a different man this time. He wore large boots and leather. _A lot_ of leather. His path direct, he walked directly to Garcia. "Wait, wait. What are you doing?" The protestations and raised voices of the team merging into one.

Before leaning down to unlock Garcia's chains he spoke to Sam, "You've said enough." Then he turned away again.

She knew what this meant, and she wasn't prepared for Garcia to face this punishment. She screamed, "I VOLUNTEER! TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

The man stood straight, listened to something in his ear, then turned and with a smile of rotten teeth and gums he headed toward Carter. He unlocked her chains, his actions those of a servant to a master.

When she fell she hit her head on the cement floor, however she didn't lay there for long. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her out of the room, leaving her team screaming and shouting after him. She saw Reid's face as she was taken. He was crying. _'Damn'_ was her last thought. And then, as nausea and fatigue took over, everything went black for the third time.

* * *

**Remember to READ AND REVIEW please! It helps me improve my writing and your reading experience. As well as that, if I don't get much positive feedback then I may just lose my confidence and stop writing ;) Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it... There's lots more to come! **


	8. Discoveries

**Chapter 8 – Discoveries**

It was hard to measure the passing of time without some type of clock, but she imagined she'd been chained like this for something near to three hours. She swung from the ceiling, the handcuffs tight around her wrists; her arms felt numb, the blood unable to circulate properly through them. Being again immersed in darkness, all she could do was listen, strain for any sound around her. For a while she'd been focused on the murmurs of the group outside of the door, listening for anything which could help, then their conversation had steered toward what they were planning for her; the torture, the pain.

Waterboarding, rape, whippings…

She'd grimed and fought against her restraints, frantically trying to grapple with the chain, slick with sweat. This only resulted in deep bruising and deep, mocking laughter from her captors. She'd eventually give up.

It wasn't until the fourth hour was approaching that the men took any notice of her. The one in the leather had walked into the doorway and flicked a switch, caused the bright lights to flicker on above her. He'd then proceeded to walk further into the room, stood directly in front of her and had set up a camera and a tripod. Her stomach lurched. She knew _exactly_ what they had planned and that was bad enough. Knowing they were going to film it made it so much worse.

Then came the news which knocked the breath out of her.

Before the man in leather left, he looked up, directly at her, turned the camera on and said, "Say hello to your friends. I'm sure they're missing you and _can't wait _for the show." Sam was unable to control the tears which started to roll down her cheeks. _'No'_, the frail doctor thought to herself, _'I can't be defeated now. I have to be strong. I'm their only hope. I need to fight this.' _Repressing her feelings of doubt and fear she looked up, right at the camera lens, and didn't move until he entered…

* * *

Throughout this time the rest of the team had remained chained in their places on the wall, talking in hushed tones to each other. None of them fearing to speculate on what had happened to Sam. Garcia had cried for a time, blaming herself, but Morgan, Blake and Hotch had spoken to her and informed her that Sam was the real target all along. She had sacrificed herself for Garcia because she'd known this too. Rossi and JJ had guessed on where they were being held. Taking into account the size of the building and the assumed remote location. As far as they knew there weren't any local places such as this, so they figured they must have been transported. But for how long and to where they knew not.

Reid had been uncharacteristically quiet. Only speaking when someone asked him a question, and even then only responding with grunts and short answers. He was overwhelmed with guilt and dread. In his eyes, if he had had her back when they'd been at the hotel then this wouldn't be happening. She'd not have been taken.

Seconds drifted into minutes which merged into hours and eventually a man entered the room. The same man who had taken Sam. He turned on the lights before entering and started to set up some sort of large television set. "Hey!" Reid shouted at him, "Hey!"

The man turned. "Shut it boy."

Hotch took over, "Where have you taken Agent Carter?" The man in leather laughed. A harsh, gurgling sound which resonated from wall to wall. "You'll see soon enough" he said.

After a while the television set sprung into life. What they would see was this: Sam. Chained to the ceiling by chains, covered in small cuts and bruises. A familiar voice spoke over her heavy breathing, _"Say hello to your friends. I'm sure they're missing you and can't wait for the show."_ Morgan turned away, disgusted. "That son of a bitch." He whispered under his breath. Sam looked directly up to the camera. Garcia's voice caught in her throat and she resumed crying. Almost every member of the team was speechless, and then Blake spoke. "A torture tape… Hotch… How did we profile the UnSub..?"

He waited a moment before answering, completing his analysis of the television. "A sexual sadist with no preference. He enjoys torture and control…" His voice trailed off when he heard Reid's sharp intake of breath. JJ interjected, "Hotch, please tell me they're not going to…-"

Sensing the direction which she was heading to, he cut her off. "At the moment it's hard to say what's going to happen. We just have to wait."

* * *

Sam couldn't imagine what the team would be thinking right now. She didn't think she looked bad. A few minor cuts and scratches she'd gained from being kicked and pushed, but apart from that… She hoped they weren't worried. Before she had chance to think more about them he walked in. _Him_.

Yes she'd been right. It was him.

He smiled at her, an expression that showed far too many teeth to be friendly. But she wasn't going to be intimidated so easily.

Putting the video recorder out of her mind she drew breath and spoke. "It's been a while… I must admit. I haven't really been thinking much of you, except for those few brief seconds a year in which I hoped you'd be six feet under. I doubt anyone would ever peg me as too optimistic but this time I think I may have been… How disappointing."

He laughed… If you can call the sound which escaped his lips a laugh. "Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you. Well I'm afraid things don't change. You're still the unamusing bitch you used to be, and this time I'm the one in control. Are you disappointed at the fact you were wrong..?"

She mulled this over for a second. "Well… I wouldn't put it like that… More that I'm disappointed alcohol or another asshole hasn't killed you by now."

Moving faster than she could follow he flew across the room toward her and delivered a hard blow to her stomach. Knocking the air out and leaving her winded. Unable to protect her abdomen from further attacks, she tried in vain to bring her knees up to shield herself, but nothing could stop the onslaught of fists and feet which met her viciously.

Only when she was gagging and vomiting did he stop.

"Not so funny now, are you?!" He almost screamed with malice. Grabbing her hair he twisted until she was forced to meet his face. His breath and spittle made her eyes burn. "Enjoy your last moments," he continued, "You don't have much time left." He exited the room, chuckling to himself.

Unexpectedly the tension in her chains was released and she fell to the floor. Immediately she curled into a ball and held her midriff, silently crying to herself. _'I'm sorry'_. She sent this thought out to the others, and hoped they'd realise. As she was sorry; sorrier than they could ever imagine, because she knew it was her fault for their involvement. She wouldn't be able to handle it if they'd been hurt.


	9. Torture

**Chapter 9 – Torture**

She wasn't left for as long this time. And it wasn't him that came back this time. She didn't recognise the man that began the torture but that didn't make it any easier to endure. He'd restrung the chains from the ceiling, which meant she was hanging helplessly again. Then two more men entered, and one of them was familiar.

It was the man in leather again.

He seemed to enjoy what was happening, more so than the other men. Where they seemed like blind followers, this man seemed like a man devoted to inflicting as much pain as possible.

But he didn't initiate the event; he merely walked over the camera and directed it at her hanging body. _He was the camera man, in charge of documenting the event. _The thought sickened her, but she pulled herself together again before her defences crumbled. Now was not the time to give in, for they had barely begun.

First came the waterboarding. When the cloth was placed over her upturned face she immediately started thrashing against her restraints, then one of the men poured the water over it. It seemed like an age before she was able to breathe again. Throwing her head forward instantly and gagging for air. Excess water dripping off of her face again hair.

This cycle continued for what felt like hours, but couldn't have been more than half of one.

Cloth, water, gag, repeat.

Once the deed had been carried out for the 20th time, he entered again. Not speaking at first, just watching as Sam swayed helplessly.

The words came not as a surprise, more like a reminder of her fate. "I want _you_ to know," he started, "that this is for no gain other than _my_ amusement. There is nothing you can offer me which will allow you any form of mercy. This time _I_ am in control and you are the one suffering due to your own shortcomings and inability to leave well enough alone." He grinned. "Continue." He told them.

When they'd removed the cloth and water from the room, they brought in a table and placed it in the centre, directly to her left. In all four corners of this wooden monstrosity were restraints…

* * *

It had been unbearable to watch what they were doing to Sam. Time and time again Garcia's tears resurfaced and fell. Rossi had even prayed at once point. Hotch and Morgan were more inclined to swearing while JJ and Reid remained quiet. Their voices lost under pain and despondency. Blake had tried to gain the attention of the group outside the door, pleading with them to turn it off; but nothing had worked.

'_The inability to do nothing to help her may not even be the worst part'_, thought Reid. _'It's the fact that when she screams I cannot only hear them over the speakers but echoing through the hall as well. I know she is near, within my reach, and all I can do is lie here and weep'_. The venom in these reflections directed at no one but himself.

Hotch knew Reid was more distressed than most. Seeing one person you love suffer, and being unable to stop it, is a lifetimes worth of grief and pain. For someone so young to be witnessing this for the second time was unimaginable. He could sense that Reid blamed himself, yet no matter what he said, the young doctor would not give much of a response.

Their attentions were drawn back to the screen when a high pitched, scraping, scratching noise began. The team watched as the men dragged a table to the centre of the room, right into the camera's line of sight. The restraints in the corners not going unnoticed, they sat, open-mouthed, no one daring to breathe, as the two largest men took Sam, unchained her, strapped her to the table and began to remove her blouse.

This elicited a violent murmur from Reid. "You son of BITCH!" he whispered.

Sam didn't allow the men to touch her so easily, she fought all the way. However this did not throw them off, it merely gained her a sharp punch to the abdomen. She lay unmoving, barely breathing, while the men took her blouse and rolled up her skirt.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Was the last sound which came from the team, and then they all turned away in disgust and anguish, as the screaming and struggles restarted.

* * *

After one of the men had raped her, Sam lay there. Crying; giving in to the urge to succumb to her emotions. An urge which she had been feeling ever since the first letter. She wept and wept, taking deeper and deeper breaths, shaking, trying in vain to pull her wrists from the ropes. Unable to remain almost naked and fully ashamed in front of the blinking light on the camera.

It took her almost two hours to regain her composure. And when she did, her senses were not dulled by the trauma she was facing. In fact it was her belief that this darkness and silence had made her sense more acute. Days of straining for noises and movement beyond the space which she took up had made her more aware of smaller details.

She was beginning to formulate an escape plan.

Granted, at the moment it was not particularly good, but it was the better of too bad choices.

She could either die from torture, or die trying to save her family.

She'd rather do the latter.

And so piece by piece, day by day, she began to build on these thoughts. Figuring out what she needed and how to carry it out.

The few spare moments she had on the floor each day were spent frantically feeling for something which cold be of use.

Then the fifth day came, for she was sure it had been most five days or more she had been stuck in this hell-hole.

On the fifth day she was strung up again, but this time the trio of men proceeded neither to drown nor rape her. Instead, the man in leather entered behind the other two. A long leather whip trailing from his hands.

She almost gagged at the sight of the thing for she knew what was to come.

Once again her shirt was removed; though it was not much more than a filthy rag by now. The man with the whip stood directly behind her, and she hung facing the camera. Trying hard to focus on the small flickering red light which emanated from the lens, she almost forgot about the whip and the blow to come.

But all thoughts of anything but pain evaporated the moment the first blow fell.

It made a harsh recoiling sound as it was drawn back and then it would hit her skin and you'd be able to hear it slice easily through her skin; causing long gashes. Screamed and screamed as she could from the pain, the man in leather did not let up until he was ordered to. One of the bulkier men telling him to stop… Something about going somewhere… Honestly she didn't hear much of the conversation as the agony had consumed her. She felt the blood rolling in beads down her back, then the chains were released and she fell once more to the floor, blacking out.


	10. Pain

**Chapter 10 – Pain**

**Before I start writing I would just like to thank all of the people that have followed, reviewed, favourited and read my story. It makes me feel like it's all worth it so thanks! I can't believe I'm at 10 chapters, wow, haha! Please remember to READ AND REVIEW!**

**And now I promise no more interruptions… Enjoy this chapter…**

* * *

Half conscious, half aware of her surroundings, it took Sam longer than usual to realise what was happening.

They'd come back to chain her up again, _great_. Once she was hanging from the ceiling again one of the larger men sprayed something on her back. She didn't know what it was but _my god_ it _hurt_. She hissed in response and tried to move away from him. He grabbed her wait and said, "If you want these to heal faster, then you'll let me do this." His voice was low and gruff. It almost sounded as though he felt guilty. Not understanding this Sam continued to move. The man sighed and left, she was let down from her chains again.

Knowing that there would be a group of them outside for a while, she waited until she heard them move further from her door and their footsteps become distant.

As soon as they were out of earshot she started feeling around of the floor. Looking. Desperately searching for what she'd seen the other day…

_Where was it...!_

* * *

Unbearable..? No, that didn't come close. Excruciating was more accurate. Yes. Agonizing to the core it had been to watch Sam hurt like that. The torture and pain she had suffered was enough to last more than one lifetime. On more than one occasion every member of the team had both sworn and cried. Possibly like a ghost; each in their own way. None of them were able to bear what was going on. It had been almost a week they'd been captive. No word had come from the FBI. No one had come close to finding them. They'd been kept alive with the barest of food and water, forced to watch as Sam was broken and crushed. Everyone blamed themselves; they doubted more and more whether they would get out of this situation alive.

Reid's eyes had sparked hot with fury when the man had grabbed Sam's waist and whispered in her ear. He'd had fought violently since the beginning. He had been uncharacteristically fierce and eventually the men had put a sedative in his food. The team didn't realise until Reid was unconscious; knowing he would be unable to sleep at a time like this. Now he sat, in silent defiance of their situation, talking energetically with the others about an escape plan. They knew it was a long shot but this was their last choice.

Quickly Reid flicked his eyes to the screen to watch over Sam when he noticed something. "Hey guys," he said, drawing the attention of the other six. "I don't think are plan will be necessary. Do you see..? See what she's doing… what she's got?"

Rossi squinted, "Is that a knife? Where did she get that from?!"

"She must have found it in one of the storage cabinets in that room. They assumed she wouldn't be able to reach but she was let down from her chains again. She took her chance. Now all she has to do is make a choice…" Hotch didn't know what it would be.

Confusion drifted over Garcia. "What do you mean choice? What choice is there to make..?"

Hotch thought on how best to phrase it. "If you had been through the torture she had in the past few days, and if you saw no chance of escape or help… What would you do if you found a knife..?"

Penelope's sharp intake of breath was a harsh sound among the silence. "But she can't-"

Morgan deliberated, "I'd understand if she did it but her movements just don't seem right. It almost seems like she's going to try and escape."

Blake shook her head, "She's too weak, it wouldn't work. She wouldn't make it far at all, she's got cuts all over her back!" Her voice was rising with sympathy.

"We need to keep this contained," continued Hotch, "She has this chance and if we alert them to it we could all be killed."  
"She's not going to do it." All eyes turned to Reid.

JJ looked uncomfortable. "Look, Reid it wouldn't be your fault, or hers, you have to understand, there is nothing any of us can do…-"

"No." He said with a firm resolution. "Don't patronise me, I would understand if she did but she isn't going to. Look at her, look at where she is. If she wanted to be dead then she could have done something about it by now. It would have been easy to try and fight one of the guards and lose of to refuse her food, but she didn't. Why? Because she plans on fighting them and trying to escape. She's known where the knife was for a while, but has only acted on it now…"

Rossi inserted himself into the conversation again, "Being whipped that many times may have been it for her. You know how bad torture can be Reid." The team were gentle, cautious, only Hotch remained fixed on the screen. Reid continued speaking, frustrated. "Listen to me! She's got the knife because they've left. Didn't you see how she lay still for a while after he left, not moving. Almost as if she was listening for them, waiting for them to leave so they wouldn't hear her moving!"

The expressions this was met with were a range, from pain and sympathy to outright guilt. _'They don't believe me' _he thought… But then… "Reid's right." Hotch said.

The team turned to him, their faces astonished. "He is," Hotch continued, "She knows she has an opportunity here. She could have killed herself by now but she hasn't. She'll be able to get the upper hand on them when they come close to her. They can't resist the temptation and she knows that. All she has to do is get her hands free from the shackles, and by the looks of things it won't be impossible. They haven't realised that with the weight she's lost she'll be able to get them free without much contortion. Look, she's doing it now." He motioned to the screen and they all turned to watch her pull and pull and wrestle her wrists free from the restraints. It was a tense ten minutes but eventually she managed it.

After setting herself free she didn't rush off, out of the door, to go after the men. No. She put the knife safely in her belt, set up the chains so they were awa from the door and looked directly at the camera.

She took a deep breath and said, "I'm coming." Then stood behind the door in anticipation, wary of any noise from down the hall.

* * *

"Why isn't she going anywhere?!" Asked Garcia.

Rossi assessed her choices and answered, "Because she knows she has a better chance of survival if she catches them off guard one by one rather than running straight into a group of them. By now she's got an estimate of how many there must be, so she's waiting for her chance."

Hotch looked as though he disapproved of her choice, but didn't say anything. Noticing his expression, Rossi leaned over and said quietly, "It's what you'd do if it was you in that situation."

"She's taking a big risk," he said, "She could get herself killed."

Rossi shook his head lightly. "Aaron you know it's the right thing to do."

"That doesn't mean I can't be worried about her." He countered.

Reid and Blake were sat close to one another. Blake had noticed Reid's change in mood. "What's wrong?" She asked, guessing his answer. He gave a small, humourless laugh and turned his head toward her. "Out of all the people I know, after going what she's gone through, I doubt if any of them would still try and save us. She has no consideration for her own well-being and I'm worried she's going to get really hurt. Because if she does…" He paused and looked down at his hands.

"Reid..?" Blake urged, trying to get him to continue.

He did. "If she gets killed then… Then that's someone else I love that I couldn't save. And it'll be all my fault; again. She'd die without knowing how I feel and I'd never be able to forgive myself."

Moving as much as she could against her restraints, Blake comforted him. "Reid," she said, "You shouldn't blame yourself for this because it's not your fault. She's stronger than any of us are and that's something to be admired. If she can get up after what she's been through and still be ready to fight for us then you must realise that she loves us all too."

He rasped out a laugh. "I didn't mean love in that sense."

"I know what you meant Reid," she countered, "And I think that's what's been keeping her going. She's fighting to keep us alive; to protect us and save us. Once this is over, you'll see."

"That all depends on how it ends." He said bitterly, closing his eyes to the both the scene around him and the video on the screen, no longer able to bear witness. Blake sighed and put her arm around him in an attempt to console him.


	11. Counterblow

**Chapter 11 – Counterblow**

Tick-tock… Tick-tock… Seconds…. Minutes… Almost three hours she stood rigid behind the door. Conscious of any noises and the blinking light on the video camera. She knew they'd be watching and she hoped they understood. Sam desperately hoped they were OK.

Suddenly - a noise. Yes. A noise... Footsteps!

She didn't know who it would be, but if she listened very carefully she could hear the familiar sound of dragging denim. So that meant it must be the man from before. The man who had sprayed something on her back... From what she could remember he had been wearing dark jeans over scruffy trainers.

It was a shame he was going to be the first one. It had seemed as though he was beginning to show

a twisted sense of compassion, she'd have preferred it if it was the man in leather. As moral as she

was, she was going to enjoy killing him. Because after what he'd done to her- She couldn't even bear

to think about it- UGH!

But she needed to focus. Centre herself. Breathe. Breathe.

Not make a noise. Don't give away her position.

Sam knew he was alone because there was only the sound of one pair of footsteps and he wasn't talking to anyone. Silent, just like her.

Wait, wait, wait… Wait for him to walk in, yes, just a little further.

He was right in front of her now. She crept up behind him… Getting closer and closer…

Then he spotted the chains and saw she was no longer in them.

Now was her chance to strike.

Grabbing his hair ferociously, catching him off guard, she brought the knife up, too fast for him to react, and sliced his throat. The blood sprayed over her hands and floor as he fell. His life already extinguished before he hit the ground.

Sam stood there, staring down at the body, trying to hold in her tears. Then, mechanically, she put the knife back in her belt, bent down and moved the body; far enough behind the door so that the next person wouldn't see him until too late.

Once all this was done she resumed her place behind the door, careful not to stand on the man who she had just killed.

* * *

The teamed stared at the screen, their faces blank and emotionless. Then the man walked in and Garcia squealed as Sam drew the blade across his neck and his lifeblood flowed out over his body. Morgan comforted her and looked between the others, his face portraying both pity and revulsion.

Possibly admiration for her strength.

"She's doing the right thing Garcia." Hotch said.

"Oh trust me I know," Garcia responded, "They deserve to be punished for what they've done to her, but that doesn't take away the fact that I just watched someone get killed in real time." She shuddered. Reid sighed, "I just hopes she makes it out of there alive. I can't vouch for her mental state right now."

"Nobody can," said Hotch, "But if she's in control enough to formulate this plan then we have to believe in her… She's our only hope." They continued to sit in silence, each of them considering what Sam would be thinking at that moment. Whether she'd enjoyed taking the life of one of the men who'd tortured her or whether it had just been a part of her strategy. Whatever the reason, they hoped she was OK and that she'd find her way to them soon.

Rossi spoke up, looking to Hotch for confirmation. "I'd say she only needs to take out another one before she can leave. None of them have had guns up to this point so making it one on one would be easier. Especially if she has the element of surprise. The only variable which would alter her plan would be if there are more people, which we just don't know. So far there must have been about ten people involved in the plot to get us all here but they may not be all on this site. Considering the fact that it has been the same three people to bring us our food and torturing her I'd say they aren't."

"They could still be here though, just working behind the scenes to make sure no one finds us." JJ added.

"It's a possibility," said Blake, "But if that is the case then she won't have the chance to take them out one by one. They'll be alerted to her presence long before that. At the moment we can't even assume that she knows where we are, though we know she must be close because of what we've heard." She shuddered.

"I think she knows," said Reid, "You see, as they took her out it seemed like she passed out again, but as I watched her I saw her making movements with her hands. She was tracing the path they took her on. She must know that it wasn't far."

"One thing that is buggin' me," Morgan began, "Is her ability to be able to continue after all that torture. Her ability to be able to overpower a man twice her size. And yeah I know it was a blitz attack, but something just doesn't seem right here for me. Hotch, what work did she do before the BAU?"

Hotch considered his answer, careful how to phrase it, "She has done work in the field before; work which has been of high physical demand. She knows how to handle herself in these kinds of situations."

"Hotch," Morgan warned, "If this is anything like Emily-" He was unable to finish the sentence.

"I can assure you that this situation is nothing like that one and I'm sure that once this is all over she'll explain her abilities as best she can but it wouldn't do to doubt her now. The fact of the matter is that she is free and able to take them on, for the moment, and we are not. On our side this is just a waiting game until she can get here."

* * *

The man who came to check on his partner was the other man in denim; not the man in leather. Damn.

But it didn't stop her because she knew what she had to do. Creep, creep, grab, slice, and he's dead.

She didn't enjoy the killing, in fact it made her sick to the stomach.

She had never enjoyed killing but it always seemed to be part of her job, which while disappointing, was unavoidable if she had wished to stay within her field.

Once an Agents cover is compromised there is no other choice. Not that she'd been in many large undercover programmes, just that the ones she had been in had usually not ended well… For the other side.

As quickly as she had immersed herself within her thoughts she drew herself out of them. Now was her chance, she needed to find the others.

All she had to do was be careful, be quiet and trace the route the men took her on to get back to her team. Her family. Because they were like family and every moment she was away from them was another moment they could be getting hurt.

Before she left her _room _she bent down and searched the two corpses. Looking for anything which could help her. On one she found a better fashioned knife… But then, she supposed, anything was better than the crude weapon she had been using.

Apart from the knife she found little which could be of use. Bullets but no gun, a key to her chains and a ball of paper. She opened it to see what was written on it. She read: _560, Warrenton Rd_… Sam stopped herself, knowing that what was written on the paper was the address of the hotel they'd been staying at. The hotel they'd been abducted from.

Leaving the room, Sam took only the key, with the hope that it unlocked either the door of the room the others were in or, even better, their handcuffs. With only a fleeting glance at the camera she turned her attention to the hallway she entered.

As quietly as was possible she crept along, counting her steps.

_Five, six, seven, and then left turn, and another ten… _She paced them out, making barely a breath of noise with each step, until finally she got to a door. Cautious of what was a round her she quickly examined it. Yes, it appeared to be the door from which she had left. Old, large and touched with rust here and there. Trying the handle slowly, she realised it was locked.

Using the key she managed to get it open, she slithered through the small gap and closed it behind her. Turning the key again, to seal herself in.

It was only once this was done that she turned to peruse the contents of the room, keeping low to the floor in a crouch which made her calves scream. Back and forwards her eyes went, until they fell upon a group of figures on the far wall. Doing her best to count in the darkness which surround her, she concluded that there must be about six or seven people over there. If it was her team then she hoped seven, for if there were six then that meant one had befallen a fate worse than death.

They should have learnt swiftly enough that their capture was not to be messed with.

While she was considering whether or not to call out to them a noise met her ears. "Who's there?"

It was Hotch.

Sam whispered back. "Hotch is that you?"

The voice spoke again. "Sam" Yes it's me, we're all here, no one else is in the room. Where are you?"

"Stay quiet," she replied, "I'm going to turn on the lights."

Her voice was met with sighs and murmurs of relief and joy from the small group. She could hear their individual voices mixing together in a flurry of reprieve.

Sam felt along the wall for the switched, knowing they were here as she'd seen them used by the man in leather. _'God'_, she thought to herself while searching, _'that must have been about a week ago!'_ Before her surprise could consume her, he fingers met with the metal switches and she flicked them.

The low hum of electricity filled the hall and everything went very bright for a few seconds; her eyes finding it hard to adjust after living in relative darkness for so long.

When she was ready, she took her hand away from her eyes and blinked a couple of times. She looked over to the far wall and the sight which met her was a great one.

Garcia huddled next to Morgan who was sat next to Rossi who, with Hotch two spaces from him, almost hid JJ from site. Then next to Hotch was Blake and right on the end, next to Blake, was Reid.

"Oh!" she cried, tears springing to her eyes but not falling, "Are you guys OK?!"

Their faces were a mixture of pity and guilt but she received a unanimous '_yes, we're fine, are you OK?'_. Knowing they'd seen her whole ordeal over the video connection she tried to assure them that yes she was fine and yes she could handle this.

"Do you have the key?" Hotch asked.

She felt around in her pockets while she walked toward them. Finding the key she had just used she held it up and said, "I've got this one, but something makes me think that they wouldn't make the door key and the cuff key the same. It would be too easy."

Sam was about 30 feet from them when the door crashed open behind her.

Without turning she felt the impact of her week of torture finally hit her. She was naïve to think that she would be able to save them and they'd all get away without losing anyone. She should have known better than to underestimate him like that.

Just as she was thinking this a voice echoed from behind her, confirming her fears.

"You were foolish to think that you could escape me. You've managed to rid yourself of me once before but now I'm not stopping until you're dead. It's a shame though… Your team didn't have to die with you. Oh well, more's the pity."  
Tears stung her eyes and fell, despite her wishes. She felt men starting toward her, trying to corner her. There must be at least seven. Not to mention her son of a bitch ex step dad. Emphasis on the _ex_, as she always liked to say.

"Devin you don't have to do this. Please just let us go!" Sam was beginning to get frustrated.

Who was he to follow her here after all these years? To make her suffer and threaten her family. How _dare_ he?!

By now she had worked herself up from sadness to anger, and so when he responded with the obvious _'no'_, she spun, knife in her hand. Ready to fight for those she truly loved.

* * *

**I really hope you liked this chapter! Sorry it's so much longer than all the others. As you can probably guess, ninja skills are going to immerge very soon indeed. I just hope she wins! Please READ AND REVIEW! Thank you so, so, so much! :) **


	12. Vengeance

**Chapter 12 – Vengeance**

_By now she had worked herself up from sadness to anger, and so when he responded with the obvious__'no'__, she spun, knife in her hand. Ready to fight for those she truly loved._

* * *

When she spun her eyes met with this: Seven men, outfitted in a mixture of rough denim and tatty clothes. The man in leather was among them. So that was seven men she had to fight her way through before she could get to Devin.

Great.

She assessed the situation.

Four of them were without weapons, believing their brute strength was enough to win. The other three held weapons of different sorts. Two held small knives and the man in leather held the whip.

Fuck she really hated that whip.

OK, think, think, think. She had to go about this the right way or else she could end up decapitated, dead or back in the room being continually raped and beaten without respite.

She'd go after the men without knives first. Then from there… Well… She'd have to improvise.

Her breathing was shallow and neither Sam nor her opponents moved. She waited. Knowing that if she was to initiate the attack then they'd guess her strategy and her team would think her out of control.

This was wrong.

She was totally, indefinitely in control... Of herself.

Suddenly the men with the knives closed in and she had to act. Fast. Altering her initial plan.

She spun, ducking under one of the man's arms as he threw it out, in an attempt to catch her neck unguarded. Dropping under his outstretched arm she was able to use her own blade to slice the underside of his arm and his inner thigh. But before she could finish him off the other man dove toward her, blade first, so she jumped, flipped over him, and landed on his back as he fell. Before they'd hit the ground she had managed to slide her dagger between his ribcage and stop the beating of his heart.

Regaining her stance the first man came at her again. Sam spun away from his oncoming attack and disarmed him, then flipped him over her hip and knocked him unconscious. His head smashing against the concrete floor.

The rest of the men didn't split up. All five of them came at her, running headlong.

Sam grabbed the knives of the men she had just killed and threw them. Both met their marks. One buried deep in the chest of one of the denim men, whilst the other hit another's thigh; leaving him unable to continue his sprint.

It was only as he fell to the ground that Sam noticed the other two men had gotten closer to her. One of them tackled her, taking her off of her feet and slamming her to the floor. She felt the air rush out of her body.

He was on top of her, he had the advantage. All Sam felt was a blitz of fists rain down upon her. She covered her head and absorbed each blow, waiting for her moment.

When the man on top of her paused she drew her arms back, grabbed the lapels of his jacket and thrust her head up to meet his nose.

She heard the snap of broken bone.

The man instinctively reached for his wound and this gave her the chance to reach for his blade, which had fallen nearby.

Her fingers scraped it… Almost there…

Sam managed to grab it, and just in time.

As the man was regaining his composure she pushed upward and slammed the blade at an opening of skin.

That was the second time that day she had cut a man's throat.

Not giving the remaining men time to react she ran at them. Slinging a right hook she caught the last man in denim; her punch reverberating through his jaw. He made a grab for her but she avoided it, whirling away.

Sam jumped, throwing her legs out and spinning her hips. Kicking both the man in denim and the man in leather, who had been slowly approaching. The man in denim was almost lifeless, the barest of strength keeping him in the fight.

Realising this Sam bent, seized her knife and pierced his abdomen. She knew he wouldn't die instantly but that was the least of her worries.

The man in leather had regained his composure and made for his whip, that which he had dropped when she'd kicked him.

She could afford to let him reach it.

Looking desperately around for something to throw her eye fell upon a brick. She leapt, grasping the brick and throwing just as the man in leather was turning for her, whip at the ready.

The squelch it made upon impacting his face echoed round the hall.

The sound of harsh, dry clapping met her triumph.

On her knees, breathing deeply, hunched over trying to recover, Sam sat still. Unaware of the words which flowed from Devin's mouth.

* * *

Unable to process what they'd just witnessed the team sat quiet. Sam had just beaten seven men. Seven men who had frames more imposing than hers and who handled a variety of weapons. It was awe inspiring and worrying at the same time.

But she wasn't looking too good now.

She was sat hunched over, bruised, bleeding and gagging. Only feet from them but unable to receive their comfort. Hotch was about to call her name but was stopped but Devin's interruption.

"Hmmm… Impressive... But overrated, none the less. Now feel free to continue to vomit while I kill your friends."

Instantly something changed in Sam countenance. She became rigid, her muscles taught. She was poised for action. Devin reached for a knife but before he could retrieve it Sam was upon him. Reid witnessed a fury of fists and throws from both participants. Devin fighting for his sick sense of honour and enjoyment in torture; Sam fighting for the team.

For her family.

They warring pair fell and rose and fell again. Both feeling the pain more intensely each time.

Sam was holding up but as he watched Reid could see her weakening. Her steps seemed less certain and her moves less vicious.

And she had to be vicious if she was going to keep up with her competitor.

Devin launched himself at the knife Sam had thrown away from him. He reached it and, once he had it firmly within his grasp, he ran for Reid.

What the rest of the team witness was this.

Sam threw herself at Devin, catching him in the side. He spun, knife still outstretched, and jammed it into her stomach. Her breath caught in her throat and the sound echoed around the hall, becoming lost.

Garcia screamed as Sam's body dropped in front of them.

Not yet dead, Sam lay there, battling with the initial pain and trying to draw herself together. Meanwhile Devin walk away from her, heading toward a gun which he had left by the door when he'd entered.

* * *

_The pain! Oh god the pain_. _'Well'_,Sam thought to herself,_ 'that's something which I can cross off of my bucket list now'_. The dry humour rattled her body.

She curled onto her side in order to see where Devin was heading.

Shit. A gun.

Mustering all her remaining strength she drew herself onto her knees and grasped the blade which stuck out from the wound. As her team watched, she retracted the weapon, arching her back in agony and emitting a silent gargling scream. Once the knife was out she sat still once again in a bid to hold herself together.

By this time Devin was returning with the gun.

He walked right past Sam and showed her his back as he raised the Glock and aimed it at the tearful Penelope.

He confidence was his mistake.

Without him realising, Sam had raised herself up behind his figure, brought the blade which he'd use on her up to his neck and, with a final goodbye of _'Burn in hell'_, Sam sliced his neck. Fast, efficient and not at all clean.

As Devin's body fell to the ground Sam's went with it. He strength failing.

The team were urging her to listen. To pay attention to what they were saying.

She had to find the key.

Crawling through a mixture of hers and others blood she felt around on the corpses for the key to the cuffs. Finding it eventually in Devin's breast pocket.

Weakly, she threw the key to Morgan and lay down, resting. The team raised their voices, trying to regain her attention but she was so tired.

All she wanted to do was sleep.


	13. Lights

**Chapter 13 – Lights**

_Beep… beep…_ a dull beeping filled Sam's ears as she stirred. Her eyelids flickered and she strained against the heaviness which filled her head.

Where was she?

She could see the white light even as she lay with her eyes closed and the smell… She knew that smell; a mixture of death and disinfectant.

So she was in a hospital.

But why..? She couldn't seem to remember. Every time she tried to grasp hold of her memories they retreated further behind a wall. She couldn't quite put her finger on it – and then she heard the voices. They were voices of people she knew. A man and… and a woman.

If she listened really carefully she could make out their words.

'_Reid you should go home I can watch over her now. You haven't slept since we got out.'_

'_I can't sleep Garcia. Not with Sam like she is.'_

'_Reid, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.'_

'_She got wounded trying to stop Devin stabbing me though…' _

'_You would have done the same for her. It was the right thing to do. You know I'm not happy about this either but like Morgan said...'_

'_I know it's just… What if she dies? That'll be the second person I've let down… The second person who died without knowing-', his breath caught._

'_It'll be OK,' Garcia continued, 'You'll see when she wakes up. If she's going to blame anyone it'll be me.'_

Sam groaned, catching Reid and Garcia's attention. She tried to move but her efforts were futile.

"Sam?" Reid spoke, his voice tinged with hope.

She groaned again, and then whimpered as she became aware of the pain.

"Sam?" Reid asked again.

After struggling with her own fatigue she managed to open her eyes and meet the gazes of her friends. "You're awake!" squealed Garcia, though before she could continue with her torrent of questions and compassion, Reid cut in. "Garcia go and get the nurse."

Garcia left, leaving Reid and Sam alone.

"How are you?" He enquired in soft tones.

"Hungry," she said, "And I ache all over. Why am I in so much pain?"

He looked worried, "Don't you remember?"

Suddenly the memories broke past the dam and flooded back in. Sam groaned again, this time in anguish, and closed her eyes against the images which flashed past them.

"Sam? What's wrong?" Reid began, but before he could calm her the nurse returned with Garcia trailing after her.

"Hey there Dr Carter. How are ya' doin'?" The nurse spoke with a southern drawl which was comforting, yet unfamiliar to the inherently British Sam.

"It hurts." She said, trying to retreat within her bed covers.

"Well we'll sort that one out easier than anything. Your friends are all here ma'am, the rest of them are in the waiting room, but I think it would be best for you to rest before speaking with them. How does that sound?"

Sam's voice was soft bet resolute, "I just want to be alone. Please" she pleaded.

"Al'righty then. I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you and I'll let the group outside know what's happening. Dr Reid, Miss Garcia? Please, give her some time to rest."

Sam closed her eyes, the last face she saw was Reid's. He looked guilty and ashamed, of what she knew not. But she didn't concentrate on it. She was too tired.

* * *

Sam slept for three more hours. The nurse returned to check on her just as she was waking for the second time. "Well hey there again. Feelin' better?"

"Slightly," Sam replied, "I just feel stiff, like my arms and legs are made of lead." She laughed slightly, the nurse joining in.

"Well stiff is better than not having them attached at all, which, from what I know, you came pretty close to. Are you feeling awake enough for me to go through your chart with you?"

"Uh yeah. I hope it's all good news." Sam's face began to fall.

"Oh it is, it is! It could have been worse. I'm just glad you got to us in time. Now, your stab wound, it didn't hit any major blood vessels or organs so it was just a matter of stopping the bleeding before you lost too much blood. We got you all stitched up and it should be OK. You suffered many lacerations on your back but none of them were particularly deep; the reason they inflicted so much pain was because of the number, an approximate 73. Umm, apart from that you've got some deep and superficial bruising, but nothing which caused us undue worry. We gave you a transfusion so you should be fit and healthy again in two, maybe three weeks. But the doctor strongly suggests that you keep yourself away from work for at least two months."

"Two months!" Sam was shocked at this announcement.

"Miss Carter it's for your own good. You have been subjected to serious emotional and bodily trauma. The doctor had talked with your boss and I believe they will be setting up counselling sessions for you."

She sighed, knowing that arguing with this nurse would do no good. She'd have to put up with it for now but have words with Hotch as soon as possible.

"Alright," Sam said, "Thank you. I have just one more question, when am I going to be discharged?"

The nurse rolled her eyes, "Miss it wouldn't be best for you to run out of here before you're well. I'll have to talk to the doctor before I can answer that I'm afraid."

Sam nodded, giving in. Not only had she had to suffer through torture but now she was going to be treated as though she was made of glass. Great.

Most people would feel warm at the idea of compassionate and caring friends and while Sam didn't entirely reject that notion she felt anger kindling inside of her. She'd made a vow long ago to not rely on anyone else.

"Miss Sam..? Umm… If you're feeling well enough, your friends are outside waiting. They have been there ever since you woke up." The nurse gave a soft smile. "I can go and talk to the doctor while you're with them?"

Thinking for a moment, Sam tried to find the best way to phrase what she said next. "I want to see them… It's just… I… I just don't want them to…"

The nurse nodded as though she understood, "I'll explain it to them. Not too much too fast. I'll tell them to take it slow, how does an hour sound?"

"Just about bearable. Maybe less, I don't know, I'll let you know OK." They smiled at each other, sensing kindred spirits.

"They'll be in in a minute." The nurse said, and then she left.


	14. Regrets

**Chapter 14 – Regrets**

Sam was sat upright when her team entered. Garcia first, looking cautious. "Hey, how are you?"

Feeling awkward after sending Garcia and Reid away before, she smiled timidly, "Hey."

"The nurse said you're going to be OK." That was Reid. Sam desperately wanted to speak to him; to tell him how she felt.

But she was so ashamed. Ashamed of the fact she'd been tortured and raped and he'd witnessed it all.

It was bad enough the others had seen it but with Reid it was different. She couldn't bear to face him, so she just kept her head down, looking away.

"Doc's right you know," said Morgan, "Ain't nobody gonna' take down one of us so easily, especially our little Brit." He laughed, it was a carefree and joy inspiring sound which she joined in with.

Conversation flowed relatively straightforwardly from that point. Blake talked about how none of them had been able to relax since she'd been here and Rossi and Hotch expressed their contentment at her health. JJ was almost motherly, apologising for everything and asking her if she needed anything. Though she was overshadowed by Garcia's whirlwind of emotion; constantly asking if she was hungry, if her pillows needed plumping up and if she needed anything to drink. Anything at all really. It warmed Sam to know that she had such caring friends. Friends she was close enough with that she was able to call them her family.

Unfortunately Reid stayed particularly quiet for most of the hour, yet when the nurse returned he seemed disappointed that they had to leave so soon.

But noticing Sam's state of increased happiness the nurse didn't offer the reprieve she said she would. Instead, when she entered, she greeted each member of the team and stated "Miss Sam here will be fit to leave in a couple of hours. The doctor just wants to have a quick word with her and sort some things out, but she should be ready to leave by about 11:00. Will one of you be around to take her home?" She turned to look at the people who filled the room.

"Oh hell yeah, she ain't leaving our side until she can do somersaults in her sleep." That was Morgan. Though his sentiment was good she didn't appreciate the babying, so Sam replied, "Oh you know I could beat you any time. Just name the place and I'll be there." Her tone was jovial and met the abundant sound of amusement.

Then nurse cut in again, "Well, I'm afraid you guys are going to have to go now. We need to get these things sorted but that you for bringing her a bag, I'm sure she appreciates it. Don't you worry I will take good care of her, just each of you go on home now and get some rest. She don't need all of you waitin' on her."

The kind nurse was quickly gaining the affection of Sam. She felt safe and sure that whatever happened she would be OK.

The team left, saying their goodbyes, and arguing over who would be back to pick up Sam later. Each of them waved, except Reid, who gave her a long, pleading look which showed such raw emotion. It almost brought her to tears.

She mustered her strength and gave him the best smile she could manage, though she knew she looked broken.

Once it was just Sam and the nurse left in the room things started to move quicker.

She was asked to sign some papers, take some medication, fill out some forms and listen to instructions on the prescription she was given. She was also informed that the Bureau had taken care of all extra costs not covered by her health insurance. And while Sam thought it was nice, she knew that there would be some sort of comeuppance for what had happened. She just didn't know what it would be.

Sam was just finishing getting changed when there came a knock upon the door. Pulling her shirt on carefully, she said "Yeah?" The same nurse, a woman who had identified herself as Miya, popped her head in, "Your ride's here ma'am. When you're ready I'll walk you to the desk."

Miya took her bag and escorted her down the hall, to the desk, where Reid was waiting. "Hi," he said, "Hotch told the others to get some rest, and they were busy so I offered to drive you wherever you needed to go. Is that alright?" He seemed so cautious, it hurt her deeply.

"Yeah that's fine, just let me get my bag." But before Sam could grab it Reid had already reached over to retrieve the satchel. "Don't worry I've got it. You shouldn't be carrying anything at the moment." Sam gave him and shy smile and started toward the elevators.

Reid followed and they entered the lift then proceeded down to the ground floor in silence. The atmosphere in the lift tense between the two; they gave each other sideways looks when they thought the other wasn't watching.

Once they'd exited the lift they headed to the parking lot, Reid staying close to Sam, constantly watching what was around them. Sam knew he blamed himself, and after what had happened earlier he'd probably convinced himself that she blamed him as well.

Damn.

She needed to sort that.

The only thing was, she was afraid of what he would say if she came clean about her feelings.

She didn't want to lose him as a friend; she couldn't bear that right now.

* * *

After a quiet 45 minute drive from the hospital they pulled up outside Sam's building. They sat there, neither moving, waiting for the other to say something. They finally Sam said, "Can you help me with my bag please?" And Reid looked relieved that he didn't have to make an excuse.

They got to her apartment, Sam unlocked the door and went in, leaving it open for Reid behind her.

Immediately she drew her gun. "Sam what is it?" Reid asked.

"I'll be right back," she said, "I just have to go and check something OK."

"Wait! Sam, no." Reid closed the door and put her bag down, following with his own weapon at the ready.

Once they'd finished their sweep of her apartment she turned and looked at him sheepishly, "Sorry," she said, "It's just-"

"Don't worry, I understand." He looked even more hurt by this, as though she didn't trust him to protect her.

She sighed

"Hey Reid why don't you go and sit down and I'll make coffee or something."

"What, no, Sam are you crazy. The doctor said you had to rest, you shouldn't be looking after me and you shouldn't be drinking coffee."

"I'm not even sleepy," she quipped, and gave him a quick wink, "But if you want to help me then feel free."

Once they had made their drinks, something which had taken longer because Reid had spilled the sugar, Sam led Reid to her lounge and sat at one end of a sofa.

Reid took the other, placing his drink on the table beside him.

In order to not appear anxious he analysed the room and she knew he was subconsciously profiling her.

She'd never been good at confronting her issues, but she tried. "Reid," he drew his attention to her, staring directly at her, "Reid we need to talk; about what happened."

Immediately he became paler and looked away as though it could be avoided it he ignored it.

She took his hands, knowing that would get his attention, and mustering all the courage she had, she spoke again. "Hey, Reid please look at me."

He did.

"Reid what happened was not your fault. I know you blame yourself because you weren't able to protect me but no one could have predicted what happened. We were going to be abducted no matter what and if you'd have fought back then you would have gotten hurt and that's the last thing I want." She drew a breath, looking away from his eyes and releasing his hands, "Reid what those men did to me is not your fault either." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper, "It was my choice. They'd have gotten to me eventually; I just saved the rest of you the pain. None of you deserved that, it wasn't your fight."

Reid spoke, "You didn't deserve it either."

Unable to respond to his statement she buried her head in her hands and withdrew to where she was sat before, trying desperately to hold in her sobs. But when Reid spoke she was overwhelmed and the tears fell relentlessly. "I'm so sorry." She gulped out, between heavy breaths. Upon Reid's face was a look of total helplessness. "Sam. No. Please don't cry." He moved toward her and moved a strand of hair out of her face. But this tenderness only made her weep more.

He drew her into his arms and tried as best he could to comfort her.

"Shh, hey, it's OK. You'll be OK. Please Sam, please don't cry."

Over and over he talked quietly to her until finally her tears stopped falling and her lids became heavy.

"Thank you," she breathed, "For everything."

And she fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

**OK so it's starting to get cute. But will Sam be able to tell Reid how she feels? And how will he react?**

**READ AND REVIEW to find out... ;) **


	15. Love

**Chapter 15 – Love**

Reid sat with Sam in his arms for hours and watched her while she slept. Seeing the slow rise and fall of her chest and how her eyelids flickered as she dreamt. Reid could feel his own eyes trying to close but would not allow himself to give in. He was afraid, after before, that if he stopped watching for even a split second, something bad would happen. It was a wholly irrational thought but he couldn't get the memories of the past week out of his head.

It was 10:00pm when Sam woke, stirring slowly in Reid's embrace. She rolled her head from where it had been and faced him. She saw that he was drifting off to sleep and so tried to get up without waking him. But as soon as she'd moved her legs he sprang upright, wide eyed.

"Umm hi, sorry for waking you." She said.

"What are you on about I wasn't asleep." Reid rubbed his eyes and fought against the exhaustion. Sam gave a small laugh, "Reid, don't be silly you're absolutely exhausted. You should get some rest."

"I'm not going to leave you alone Sam. I need to make sure you're OK."

"Reid," Sam sighed, "Look around, I'm fine, I've just rested but you can barely keep your eyes open. I'm not saying you have to leave because hell, you definitely shouldn't be driving in your current state. But you need to sleep. Please, take my bed, I'm not going to be in there."

He shook his head, refusing to accept what she was saying, "I need to make sure you're alright."

Taking his face in her hands and stroking his cheek with her thumb she spoke softly to him, "Reid, you won't be any good at protecting me if you can't see straight. I know what this is about and like I said before, none of what happened was your fault. Stay here and keep an eye on me but get some rest before you start acting as my bodyguard. Now, I'm not even suggesting anymore, come with me." She took his hand and she led him into her bedroom, "Lie down and go to sleep. I'll be around getting things sorting and showering and stuff so you'll be able to hear that I'm OK."

His objections were faint and lost under a yawn, Sam laughed again and gently pushed him onto the bed so he was sitting. Then she took off his shoes and smiled as she left, leaving the door open.

Reid, knowing that there was nothing further he could say, lay down on her sheets, being careful not to mess them, and succumbed to sleep.

Almost immediately after leaving the room Sam her Reid's slow snoring and it put a genuine smile on her face. It was impossible now to hide the love she felt for that man. But it worried her, because to love another human being was, in her mind, one of the most beautiful and painful things one could allow themselves to do.

Placing his shoes by the door Sam started to order what she had to do in her mind. Clean her clothes, clean her apartment, take a shower and make herself something to eat. Just as she thought this her stomach groaned.

Well, maybe not in that order then.

She headed to the kitchen.

* * *

Reid woke to the smell of polish and coffee. And something else… Was it bread?

Sitting up slowly he realised how much better he felt after his sleep. It had been reckless to refuse before, despite his doubts. He stretched out his long limbs and gave a great yawn. Inhaling the wonderful mixture of scents again. Then he remembered – he was in Sam's bed. He'd slept in her bed.

Something about that just made him… Blush.

He got up and remembered he wasn't wearing his shoes, then with a soft smile, gave a brief glance around the room and left. Knowing that what he really wanted to see was in the kitchen.

What – or who – or what..? He didn't know which to choose, though he knew it was Sam he needed to see. Just the sight of her made him feel better.

That reminded him.

He really needed to tell her how he felt.

He knew it would be awkward, but after what had happened he realised that he could lose her so easily and she'd never know. _Just like Maeve_.

Following his nose he walked to the kitchen, which was partially joined with her lounge, though separated by a small partitioning of wall and work surface.

She had her back to him when he entered, allowing him to observe without being seen.

She had showered, changed her clothes and put her hair up. But he saw she'd misses a few pieces, which now trailed down her back.

Oh, what he would give to be able to trace them with his fingers.

He heard classical music playing and then noticed the record player in the corner of the room. The song came to an end and Sam turned to change it; then noticed in Reid in the doorway.

"Oh hi…" Instantly she became shy and drew into herself. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did, thank you for letting me. What are you making?"

"Oh just some bread and pasta and miniature cheesecakes. Nothing too interesting." She looked down to hide her embarrassment. "I didn't know you could cook." Said Reid.

Sam laughed nervously, "Well I'm not great… It's just simple stuff. Are you hungry – would you like some pasta?"

"Yes please," he said a smile spread over his features, "It smells wonderful. And coffee if you have it as well please."

Sam laughed, a genuine laugh, "I think I'll make your coffee this time. It took long enough to clean up last time." She gave him a wink. "Sit down at the table and I'll bring the plates over." She motioned to a long table which stood flush against the wall, mostly covered in books. "Oh," she said, "Sorry, here, let me move some of those for you. Sorry I don't really have guests. I haven't spent much of my time in my apartment since I moved here."

Reid moved to help her, shifting some of the books out of the way to make space for the two of them. "It's OK." He said, "You've got a good taste in books and authors. I've read most of these myself." They smiled at each other.

Sam returned to the kitchen area to dish up two plates of pasta and bread and to pour their coffee.

Then when all was at the table they sat and ate in peace, each thinking over what to say.

The pair began to speak at the same time, then looked at each other and laughed.

"You go first," Sam told Reid, "Let me put some more music on." Getting up from her place at the table she failed to notice the look of anxiety and fear which took Reid.

"Reid?" She said, urging him, curious at his silence.

When he didn't speak she put a record on, more of the classics, and took her place next to the confused Dr once more.

"Um, Reid are you OK?"

"Yes," he spoke, "I'm OK, I'm just thinking. Look, Sam. There's something I want to tell you."

She became increasingly nervous as seconds passed. "Reid, you're sounding awfully serious. Is something wrong?"

"No, it's just…" He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. What he said next came out in a rush. "Sam, after what happened, after the week I've just had… God, the week you've just had… It's just made me realise that I shouldn't hold back from telling people how I really feel because I never know when it's going to be too late."

"How do you really feel?" She asked cautiously.

Reid looked directly into her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I love you Sam."

* * *

**Oh my god! What is she going to say? Well you're just going to have to wait :D Please READ AND REVIEW – Sorry if I don't update a lot over the next few weeks (I've got exams!)**


	16. Embrace

**Chapter 16 – Embrace**

"_I love you Sam."_

* * *

Her ears were ringing and she felt strange. She had not just heard him say that… It didn't make any sense.

_Reid loved her._

He couldn't… he didn't… But he had just said he did.

These thoughts were swirling round and round in Sam's head and it was only after she'd thought over them many times, that she realised she needed to say something back.

But what could she say.

Reid sat next to her, eyes down, fiddling with his hands, silent also.

Sam swallowed, trying to regain focus. She drew in breath then expelled it again without saying anything. She screwed up her eyes, waited, opened then, and began.

"Reid," she started slowly, "What you're saying doesn't make any sense. You can't love me… I mean – people just don't love me. I'm not the type, I-" Reid cut her off, looking progressively awkward.

"Look, Sam I understand that you don't feel the same way back OK. I knew it was a long shot I just needed to tell you. Look… I've been here a while, and time's getting on, I'm just gonna' go home and shower. I've got a lot of work to do. I need to be ready for Monday…" His voice sped up and started to trail off and Sam realised that he was no longer talking to her.

Oh God what had she _done_.

"Reid, wait. You can stay here. Please, you didn't let me explain." But Reid was already walking to the door to collect his shoes and bag. "Thanks for the dinner," he said, "It was good. I'll see you around sometime, yeah."

He was reaching for the handle but Sam got in his way. "Sam, what are you doing? Please let me leave, I think I've embarrassed myself enough for one night."

"Why would you have embarrassed yourself? Because you said you loved me? The only thing embarrassing is the fact that I let you get there before me and the fact that I didn't say it back straight away."

There was silence.

"Look," Sam continued, quieter, looking down at her feet, "I'm sorry OK. None of this makes much sense to me. No one has ever loved me before so my reaction probably isn't the best one you could hope for. All I know is that I do like you and I probably sound really uncomfortable right now because… heck I am really uncomfortable right now. I've never been good with dealing with emotion stuff. And it's really awkward because you're not saying anything and… Just feel free to cut me off whenever…" Taking a chance Sam glanced up at Reid's face.

He was staring at her, wide eyed, face in a stage of shock.

"Reid?" Sam whispered.

It fell silent again and Sam thought that maybe she'd said something wrong or maybe she'd responded too late. She didn't know, but as the seconds trickled past her feeling of doubt amplified. Realising that she probably wasn't going to get a response any time soon Sam decided to clear the dirty plates which had been left at the table. But when she made a motion to move Reid grabbed her arm gently.

"Did you say you love me?"

She nodded.

"You're not kidding? You're not just trying to make me feel better?"

She shook her head this time.

"So you really love me?"

A nod again.

"And I love you?"

A frown and a nod.

"Would it be OK if I did something really inappropriate?"

"That depends." Sam said warily.

Reid drew his eyes from their contemplation and looked at her, assessing every feature, every minute detail upon her features that he had grown fond of. Slowly and cautiously he moved his hand up and cradled her face, moving a stray piece to hair behind her ear. The blush in her cheeks didn't go unnoticed. Sam, struggling to handle the eye contact tried to continue her observation of the floor, but Reid simply put his index finger under her chin and titled it up so her face met his fully.

He leaned in and she closed her eyes, feeling faint.

The kiss was short but sweet. His lips tasted like pasta, his mouth like coffee. But underneath all of that there was something warm and inviting that made her shiver. He snaked his hand around her waist and stroked the small of her back with his thumb. The other hand he used to cradle her face and run through her hair. His lips were soft but the stubble of the past few days prickled at her skin and she just knew it would leave a slight mark.

_She was kissing Reid!_

When he pulled back Sam was sure she accidentally let out an almost inaudible whine, which Reid couldn't possibly have heard. Yet it seemed like he had as he smiled and gave her a fleeting peck.

Then he stood up straight and regarded at her, his face almost radiant with pleasure.

Sam could feel the blush rising in her cheeks and knew she looked flushed; she was also unable to hide her breathlessness. But overall there was nothing she could do about the shy smile of joy which struck her features as her and Reid watched each other. "You do realise that fraternisation between bureau employees isn't allowed?" Sam said. "Won't Hotch-"

"Hotch won't mind as long as we keep it separate from work. You don't mind do you?"

"No of course not! I was just remembering the rules I had to learn before moving to the bureau. Sorry if it sounded like I did."

"Don't apologise," he laughed, "I was kidding."

Sam beamed and laughed along with him. "Do you still want to go home to shower and stuff?"

"I think I might like to stay a little longer if that's OK with you but I am definitely going to need to shower and shave sometime soon. Here, let me give you a hand with those plates." Reid put down his bag, took off his shoes and moved to the table. Sam followed.

On his way there he noticed a keyboard buried under books. He frowned.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"I didn't you could play." He replied.

"I'm not very good but I can show you if you want." She laughed to herself, "There's a lot you didn't know I could do." She gave him a wink which made him erupt into laughter once more.

* * *

**Awww cute - But don't stop reading yet guys I plan for them to have super-intimate, super-hot moments as well as cute ones, just wait! I thought I'd get this one up quickly as so many people wanted to see how it went after the whole announcement of love :D Keep reading and please READ AND REVIEW. **


	17. Hopelessness

**Chapter 17 – Hopelessness**

Over the next week Sam and Reid spent an increasing amount of time around each other. Reid would usually visit her on alternating days within the afternoon and they'd spend time talking about their days, what books they liked - they were getting to know each other more deeply. Reid had told her that the team had gotten two weeks off after the event and the board had posted a new team in their place.

Reid had told her about the trauma counselling they'd been told they had to undertake before they went back to work. Hotch had informed them that they each had to undergo an evaluation to ensure they were fit to work, but Reid had let Sam know that they'd all passed, despite their doubts.

It was only after Reid left that afternoon that Sam gave thought to her team. She hadn't told Reid but Sam had avoided contact with the rest of the team. Screening their calls and not answering the door if they came to visit. She hadn't seen them since the hospital.

Sam didn't know why she felt the need to do this, all she knew was that when she even thought of picking up the phone or opening the door she got nervous and thought of when they'd all been locked up together.

Sam felt unreasonably ashamed of herself. She just didn't feel up to seeing them as she couldn't bring herself to look them in the eyes.

Sam thought this went unnoticed by Reid but was wrong.

It was 6:00pm on a Sunday. Sam sat playing her keyboard by an open window. Today's choice was Road Hawgs – Brother and Fur Elisen – Beethoven.

Sam was too engrossed in her music and didn't notice when Reid entered behind her, having been given a key out of necessity, as he visited so often.

Whilst Reid's entry went unobserved Sam's actions were not. Reid watched as she played the music, feeling each keystroke. And then Reid observed while, unexpectedly, tears began to fall from Sam's eyes. She stopped playing and bowed her head.

"Why are you crying?" Reid asked, making her jump.

"I didn't here you enter, maybe you should knock. Sorry…" Sam wiped away the tears and got up.

"Sam what's wrong?" Reid persisted.

"Nothing's wrong Reid I just have a headaches, and I swear to God if you try to profile me-" She stopped herself. "I won't, I was just wondering…" He trailed off, unable to think of anything to say.

"How are you?" Sam asked, steering the conversation away from herself.

"I'm good," he said, "Yeah, good, I've just been trying to get some work done before I have to go back to work. We've got another four days leave so there's no point in wasting that. Um speaking of which…" He looked at her as though he had a question.

"What is it?" She asked while searching for a book.

"Well," he started, "I talked to Blake the other day and she told me nobody has spoken to you for over a week. Since that day at the hospital."

"And?" She asked cautiously.

"Why will you see me and not them? They're stuck between blaming themselves and believing you don't want to be a part of the team anymore. Is that true?"

"No… No." She repeated, more resolute. "I just feel uncomfortable after everything that happened is all. I don't know how to handle it on my own."

"but you're not on Is that true?"

"No… No." She repeated, more resolute. "I just feel uncomfortable after everything that happened is all. I don't know how to handle it on my own."

"But you're not on your own." Reid said quietly, earning a sad look from Sam.

"Look Reid I don't really want to talk about this right now," Sam said, rubbing her eyes wearily, "Is there some sort of point to all this?"

Dejected, Reid answered, "Two points, one of the advice that you shouldn't avoid friends who care about you – trust me, I know. You need time alone to recover, but they are there for you whenever you need them."

"And the other point?" She asked, contemplating what he'd said. Guessing there was a backstory.

"Garcia asked me if I wanted to join them for a drink tonight. They're all going out together. She wanted me to ask if you'd like to come. She misses you Sam, they all do."

"Reid," she said, expelling a breath, "I don't know if I can do that."

Reid moved to her, "I'll be there, you'll be OK. I understand if you don't but they'd all appreciate it if you were." She looked at him for a while, then moved in to be held.

"I can't promise it'll go well or that I'll stay for more than five minutes."

He stroked the length of her spine and spoke softly, "Thank you. And don't worry, I'll be there for you."

"Hey Reid," Sam began, "They don't know about us, do they? I mean what Garcia asked it's just like she knew…"

Reid paused, "JJ knows. I spoke to her a while ago. I think Garcia has us figured out… But I don't expect it to keep for long. Sam we work with profilers. I'd be worried if they didn't find out."

Sam closed her eyes, regretting asking the question, "Yeah."

Reid noticed her change in behaviour, "Is that a problem?"

"Not at all, it's nothing." She smiled and withdrew from him.

"Please remember that you can trust me Sam." He spoke to her retreating back.

Sam turned, halfway across the room, "I'm hungry," she announced, "Wanna' come and help me rattle something up in the kitchen?" She gave him her fullest smile and it almost convinced him.

Almost.

But he let it go as he knew persistence wouldn't help his cause.

"The only thing I'll be able to rattle up is a mess." He said, chuckling.

"Well then," Sam winked, "Let me teach you how to cook like a Brit." She winked, "The skills are internationally transferable."

Reid followed her to the kitchen and they proceeded to have an extremely messy, not entirely productive cooking lesson.


	18. Choices

**Chapter 18 – Choices**

The bar was crowded, and loud, but not so loud as to make conversation impossible, just loud enough that it was discouraged and overwhelmed by dancing and drinking. Sam didn't think she'd have been able to make it through the mess of people over to the table where the team were sat, but Reid's grip on her hand acted as an anchor which protected her from the fear.

As soon as they got within sight of her friends Reid released her hand and they continued over as two separate people, trying to hide their desire to hold one another.

Garcia was the first to speak, "Sam!" she squealed, "Oh! How are you? I've been so worried." Morgan prised her off of Sam's form, allowing the frail doctor room to breathe. "Hey baby girl," he said, "Give Carter room to breathe. Try not to suffocate her with your happiness before she's even had time to have a drink. Want something?" he said looking at Sam questioningly.

"Please," she said, "Would a vodka martini be too much to ask?"

"Oh…" he teased, "Awfully posh there James Bond." They laughed together. Morgan left with Garcia to buy the round of drinks whilst Sam and Reid continued to greet the others.

Once she'd said the expected _hi, hello, how are you_ to each of them they all retook their seats, Sam finding herself between Hotch and JJ. Reid was next to Hotch with Rossi on his other side.

Damn, they were separated.

But before Sam could even start to panic Reid sent her a supportive look and Blake immersed her in conversation, JJ chiming in sporadically with comments on different topics. Reid found that he, too, was claimed in conversation, by Hotch and Rossi, talking about their return to the BAU and a case which had cropped up recently.

Eventually talk drifted from cases to families and from families to informed gossip, Sam managing to find her own way with less and less help from Reid.

Though she suspected the two… _three?_.. Vodka martinis had helped with her relaxation as well.

Conversation flowed easily between the group of friends, Garcia always managing to make topics more interesting and more cheerful, Reid watching her and making sure no one made her uncomfortable. But he didn't have to worry, she'd completely forgotten her qualms about socialising and was actually enjoying herself for the first time in weeks. Her phone rang. "Excuse me." She said to the group, walking to the upstairs smoking area to take the call.

"Hello?" she spoke into the phone.

'_Hi, Miss Carter, this is Dr. Malik, the ob-gyn Dr. Cranderson referred you to for further examination.' _The feminine voice came through the speakers and immediately Sam's stomach dropped.

"Oh, yes hello. You said you'd be getting in touch to see if there were any medical issues which needed to be addressed. Is everything OK?"

'_I am sorry to have to tell you over the phone like this, as I understand your situation, however the tests we performed last week have come back positive. You are indeed, pregnant. Now I know this is going to be difficult but I wondered when you were free to come in and discuss your options."_

Her voice trailed off, leaving the question in the air between them. Sam almost broke down right there, her body shaking. But she held strong. "When would be the best time for you?"

'_I have a lunchtime appointment tomorrow which has been recently vacated, is that suitable?'_

"Yes that'll be fine, thank you. I'll see you then."

'_Bye.'_

Even the professional tone in Dr. Malik's voice couldn't hide the traces of pity which Sam despised.

She'd been holding off being intimate with Reid for a few reasons.

One, because while she could clearly differentiate between the man who raped her and the shy doctor, she still had issues with touch.

Two, because she was unsure as to whether or not she had contracted any diseases from her rapist.

And three, because she was deathly afraid of rejection.

Now that she had been struck with this revelation her world had once again been turned on its head.

She used to have such a strong opinion regarding this topic, she'd always vowed that she'd never abort a child and no matter whose it was she would give it the love and kindness it deserved. But she just didn't know if she could go through with this.

It would be a constant reminder of her week of torture and would most likely create a rift between her and Reid. Not to mention the fact that no child deserves to be born into a world facing such disgust and hatred.

The tears fell freely and Sam took a cigarette out of her bag. A habit which she rarely took up, given its side effects, however one which she'd been relying on recently, possibly with the hope that it would kill her before she felt the need to kill herself.

She'd dealt with that issue one too many times in her life.

Forgetting where she was and who she was with Sam took a bench in the corner and smoked while she thought about her future.

It was only after he sat down that she realised Hotch was there.

_Shit_, she thought, stubbing out her cigarette and avoiding his gaze.

"You know I almost had to tie Reid to his chair to stop him coming up here to see what was wrong. While relationships between bureau employees are against the rules as long as they don't emotionally compromise you during a case of effect your ability to work then they can be almost undetectable and aren't objectionable."

Obviously he knew.

"Interesting," she replied, avoiding his obvious bait.

Realising Sam wasn't going to give in easily, Hotch tried again, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, trying to laugh him off, "Why would you think that?" She regretted the question immediately.

"Because you came to take a call and have been up here for nearly half an hour and when I came to see how you were I noticed you were smoking, which is an obvious sign of stress, and you have avoided my gaze thus far."  
"You know we promised not to profile each other." Sam replied, meeting his eyes directly.

"If I think one of my team need's me then that rule can be flexible." She laughed miserably, looking away again.

"So what's wrong?" he continued.

Knowing he wasn't going to stop questioning her anytime soon Sam spoke.

"For the record I have various reasons to be stressed, and please don't tell anyone I was smoking." He inclined is head, waiting for her to go on.

"My doctor called. The ob-gyn Dr. Cranderson referred me to after… After the incident."

"Is everything OK?" He said, concern etched into his features.

"That depends," Sam said, "Is being impregnated with a baby conceived of rape a good thing?" Hotch didn't respond right away, allowing himself some time to think. The tears flowed freely from Sam's eyes again. "What are you going to do?" He questioned softly.

"As much as I will hate myself for it I can't keep the baby. I want no reminder of what happened to me and I need to be able to continue with my work at the BAU. If I am unfit for that then I may as well transfer myself back to Interpol."

They sat in silence for a while, Hotch moved to comfort her. "Please," she said, "Don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to know… Least of all Reid…" She trailed off.

"Don't worry," he said compassionately, "I understand. When's your appointment?"

"Tomorrow," she said, "I need this over and done with as soon as possible." She sighed.

"Well then," Hotch breathed, "You should probably go home and get some rest. I'll escort you downstairs and hail a cab for you. And don't worry, I'll explain to the team that you had to return home due to sickness."

"Thank you." She whispered.

"That's OK. Get well soon, and take all the time you need. I won't be expecting you back to work for a month, at the least."

She laughed and rose from her seat, "Oh Hotch, you can't keep me away for that long. What else will I fill my time with?" They walked back down to the bar and parted ways.


	19. Routine

**Wow OK so I've passed the '30' mark for followers on this story and I can honestly say I am honoured to have you reading it. Thanks so much if you're a follower, and if you're not a follower, READ AND REVIEW, then if you have any time spare, follow as well ;) Things are starting to hot up for Sam and Reid but when she gets a phone call will their relationship reenter the emotional blender..? Chapter 20 should be up soon...**

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Routine**

Sam sorted her papers and made yet another pile on the table next to her bag. She took a sip of her coffee and paused to think for a second. "Right," she said to herself, "What else do I need… what else do I need?" She put down her coffee and went to go to her room when her phone rang. "Damn it!" Sam growled, raking through her bag trying to find the screeching device. Eventually fishing the iPhone out from the bottom of the satchel she looked at the screen, it was Reid. She panicked, it had been three weeks since the phone call from her doctor and it had been two weeks since she'd had the abortion. Though she wasn't feeling her best she knew that she had to get on with her life and so she'd chosen to return to work the following Monday. The following Monday now being only being about 6 hours away.

She hadn't spoken to Reid for three weeks; every time he had tried to call she'd let it ring straight to voicemail, this resulted in more than one worried message which she'd played over and over again feeling worse. Sam was sure he had even tried to visit a couple of times, but she'd not answered the door and he'd been away on cases so thankfully he hadn't had the time to be persistent.

She desperately wanted to speak to him and explain everything but just the once she wanted to have something which wasn't public knowledge. And she was worried that this revelation could mean Reid leaving her. The phone had already rung out to voicemail but it rang again. "Fuck" she whispered under her breath. Well now was as good a time as any if she wanted to avoid awkward situations tomorrow.

She answered.

'_Hello?'_ came the distant voice from the other end.

"Hey," she replied hesitantly, "You OK?"

She heard Reid give a sigh of relief, _'Yeah, I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about. You've not been returning my calls.'_

"You called oh I didn't realise…" She drifted off knowing the false tone in her voice was obvious. "Yeah about that… My, um, my phone was broken so then I had to get it fixed and um…" She gave up entirely.

'_Why are you avoiding me, did I do something wrong?'_ She should have known he would be worried and the last thing Sam wanted was for Reid to blame himself.

"Reid OK just stop, calm down. It's got nothing to do with you OK there was just something I had to deal with by myself. Now I'm sorry I've not seen you for a while but I'll see you tomorrow at work alright?" The harsh sound of her voice was unavoidable; Sam just wasn't ready to be questioned about what she'd done.

'_I'm sorry,'_ he said quietly, _'I was just worried about you. I… We just got back from a local case and I wanted to check in.'_

"Sorry about that, I've just been stressed lately. I've had a lot to deal with, getting ready for work tomorrow and stuff…" She trailed off and waited.

'_Oh OK, that's alright.'_ He said, and Sam almost heard the soft smile through the phone.

"Hey um… Look if you're not busy right now then maybe you'd like to come round and we can have dinner." She took a breath and whispered, "I've missed you."

'_That'd be nice,'_ he said, _'I'll be round in an hour OK?'_

"See you then." she said, smiling to herself.

* * *

Sam and Reid had a quiet evening. They ate the meal Sam had made, vegetable lasagne, had a couple of glasses of wine and made small talk. Time passed as time did and they noticed this not as they were so consumed by one another, but it got to 11:00pm and Reid announced that he should go. Though Sam got the impression that he'd rather stay she didn't ask him to as she still felt slightly uneasy at being around him while keeping her secret. "OK," she said, "Well I'll see you bright and early tomorrow, I can't wait." She said and laughed, feeling happier than she had been in the past three weeks. They moved to the door and Reid opened it, but then he turned around. His eyes bore into hers and sparked with affection. "Would it be OK if-" Reid began to ask, bending his head. But Sam couldn't bear him to ask so she stood on her toes and put her hand at the back of his neck.

She didn't think she'd ever get tired of kissing Reid, though this was the second one they'd ever shared. His lips were soft and he'd shaved recently so the prickle of his stubble was absent. Sam tilted her head back and he deepened the kiss, he moved his hand to her waist and pulled her closer to him. Their bodies touched at every point and Sam felt her heart race as he stroked the dip in her spine. They pulled back at the same time and rested their foreheads against one another's. Reid smiled and gave a small laugh, Sam mirrored this and said, "Don't ask, learn to be as sure as you are with your knowledge." She caressed his cheek and kissed him again. This time when they pulled back Reid spoke, "I love you Sam. You can trust me you know, please don't forget that."

"I know." She breathed, "Bye."

"Bye." He said, sending her a smile as he walked down the hall and away.

* * *

The next morning Sam awoke feeling a sense of joy which she hadn't felt in a long while. Recalling the memories of her kisses with Reid the night before she made her way to work with a smile on her face; a smile which only grew when she saw the young doctor in question. "Good morning." He said, "Sleep well?" he added as they entered lift together. Sam, just about to reply, was interrupted by Morgan entering the lift with them. "Carter!" He exclaimed, "It's been a while. Looking forward to getting back to the boring routine which is the BAU?"

"Boring?" She questioned, laughing, "Trust me, there is nothing boring about this job. Besides, where else are they going to let me fly around on a fancy jet with coffee? Oh no, I am not giving this job up just yet." They laughed together and high-fived, Reid smirking in the corner at their conversation.

The lift 'dinged' as it reached their floor and Morgan exited first, turning to them, "Sorry for the interruption there lover boy." He said to Reid jokingly, and then he walked off and missed the glance Sam shot at Reid. "I didn't tell them if that's what you're not asking," He said curtly, "Sam you work with profilers, it would be more alarming if they didn't figure it out."

They continued their light hearted conversation, walking to the bullpen and talking with different members of their team on the way there. _'Well,'_ Sam thought, _'back to the 'daily grind''_. She proceeded to question what her limits were and what it would take for her to want to leave the BAU, not daring to think of the possibilities.


	20. Bullet Wounds

**For 'Emma' – who asked me to update for her birthday – Happy Birthday! And for everyone else who has followed this story to the 20****th**** chapter, as well as those of you who have reviewed, thank you so much: WickedlyMinx, ChasingWolves, Spirit Kiss, , Emily, CookieMafiaBoss and tannerose5**

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Bullet wounds **

_Five weeks later…_

"We can't just storm in there we don't know if he's armed and after such a deterioration life his he could be extremely volatile. We need to set up a line of communication. Sam, you take Reid and go round the back, see if there are any further exits which he could escape through." Hotch then dismissed Sam and Reid, turning his attention to Rossi and Blake in order to organise the situations. JJ stood apart from the group talking to the Chief of police about keeping his men back from the scene and making sure the public were a safe distance away.

"So," Sam said to Reid as they crept around the building, "Do you think he's going to try and fight this one out. After killing those women he should realise there's no way out of this."

"He's not thinking straight right now. There's no telling what he'll do. It depends if he's currently in a state of lucidity or not." They gave each other worried glances and continued their exploration.

"Reid," Sam whispered, "Door, here." She motioned to her right, indicating the back exit of the house.

"Hotch we've got a back door round here." Reid said through his radio to the man waiting on the other end.

'_Maintain a safe distance, I'll send some of Sheriff Slone's men round to cover it with you. Keep an eye out.'_

They retreated from their post to behind a small section of wall which was further back from the door. From there they had a full view of the door and the upper windows but still had access to immediate cover if they needed it. After a few minutes five police men filtered around the building and approached their location. "Any movement?" Once asked Reid.

"Nothing yet, keep a look out for any movement in any of the lower windows and the door." The young doctor turned to Sam and spoke. "What's the plan?"

A voice spoke over the radio, _'Sam, Reid, come back to the front we need to brief you for entry.'_

They looked at each other, holstered their weapons and began to walk to where the others were waiting.

But as they were walking around the side of the house Sam noticed something. "Reid, I think there was movement in that top window."

He looked up, "Which one?"

The curtain twitched, "Top left, just behind your line of sight." They paused and looked up together, Sam about to contact Hotch on her radio.

But then, "Sam watch out!"

A gunshot rang out as Reid pushed Sam to the ground. At first it was a controlled movement but she felt his body spasm as they bullet hit him.

Immediately she pulled her gun out and returned fire, smashing the window but not making contact. After a few shots she holstered her weapon and grabbed Reid under the arms, pulling him behind a car.

Hotch and JJ ran around to their position as the local police, along with Morgan, Rossi and Blake, entered the building.

"Sam, are you hit?" JJ asked; her voice high with fear.

"No it's Reid." She tore off his vest and assessed the damage, noticing the wound under his left armpit, which, she thought, if the trajectory was continual, could have continued to almost his heart.

"We need a medic!" Hotch shouted to the group round the front. He leaned down to take Reid's pulse as Sam put pressure on the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "Reid, can you hear me?" He groaned and was cut off by the sound of bullets ringing from inside the structure.

The paramedics arrived and asked Sam and Hotch to step back from Reid.

Sam stood and breathed heavily, holding her bloody hands out in front of her. "Sam?" JJ said, trying to gain her attention. "Sam look at me, come on. Let's go get you cleaned up." The small blonde took her elbow and escorted her to the mass of cars parked in the road, making a beeline for one of the ambulances there.

* * *

"You guys are here for Dr Reid?" The doctor looked at the group in the waiting room expectantly.

"Yes, that would be us. How is he?" Asked Hotch.

"You'll be happy to hear he is going to be fine. The bullet didn't penetrate the heart and it only took minor surgery to remove it; though it was close to hitting its mark. He should be ready to leave within a couple of hours but he needs to take it easy, there was quite a lot of blood loss and substantial bruising around the bullet wound. You can go in and see him now though."

The team gathered and walked down the corridor, Sam trailing at the back in silence, just as she had been since Reid had been taken away in the ambulance. Only ever speaking to reassure people that she was OK.

* * *

They were on the jet and three hours from landing. Sam sat at the back, tapping away on her laptop and reading a case file at the same time. The rest of the group had taken the set of chairs and were sleeping, whilst Reid and Blake talked in the kitchenette. Finishing his coffee he smiled at her and moved to the chair opposite Sam. "We've been here before." He said, giving her a small smile.

She closed her laptop and put her hands together on top it. "So we have," She replied, mirroring his expression, "How are you feeling?"

"I'll be OK," he said, "It could have been a lot worse."

"Yes it could. It was still a close call though." Her face shadowed with recognition of the possibilities.

"Are you OK?" He countered back.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" She said, laughing off the question.

"You've been very quiet since yesterday." His eyes searched her face.

"Reid honestly I am fine OK. Obviously I wasn't going to be happy about you getting shot but I am fine." She gave him a smile which seemed to convey her relief and something else. Something more intimate and secret between them. Reid reach across the table and took her hands in his, "We're OK." He said.

And it was when he said this that Sam realised that they weren't OK, and wouldn't be OK unless she came clean about what was worrying her. She knew he had noticed. When she was thinking about what had happened and what she should do she would always catch him watching her. Watching.

It was then that she decided she needed to tell him.

Blake walked past the two younger doctors holding each other's hands and smiled to herself, taking a seat further down the plane. They both pulled back in shyness after she sat; aware that she could see them.

But neither left the other to sit alone and they sat opposite each other talking and smiling until they landed.


	21. Authors Note

**Authors note**

This story has **NOT **been discontinued.

Tomorrow is my last exam so I should be uploading soon.

Don't lose hope! Please keep READING and REVIEWING :)


	22. Phone Calls

**Chapter 21 – Phone Calls**

Sam woke to the sound of a phone call. Her mobile vibrated across her bedside table and toward the edge so she stretched out a weary arm to answer it. "H'lo?" She said.

'_Sam, it's Emily. Can you talk?' _

"Emily?" She said, checking the caller ID and waking up. "Yeah I can talk, why, what's wrong?"

'_We've got a problem. Owen's been released and we've lost track of him.'_

"Wait what do you mean you've lost track of him, how could this happen? I thought that Op put him away for life!"

'_There were issues when he was in solitary and eventually they had to release him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but we've had eyes on him up until now.'_

"Shit. Let me call Hotch, I'll get on the next flight and let you know when it lands so you can send a car for me. I'm not letting him get the jump on us this time."

'_Alright, I'll call back in 20.'_

The call ended and Sam immediately jumped into action, packing light and gathering her travel documents. She'd not heard any news about Owen for years and after the covert Op she'd run with a few other members of Interpol he'd gone down hard, facing a lifelong sentence for arms dealing to terrorist nations and homicide involving three other agents.

She pulled on a number and dialled for Hotch.

'_Sam? What is it?'_

Straight to the point as always. "Hotch I've been recalled to Interpol. There's an emergency and I'm not sure how much I can reveal at this stage but I'm leaving for England now. I don't know how long I'll be but I'll call you when I get there and Emily will be in touch within the hour to explain further."

'_Is everything alright?'_

"I don't know." Sam replied quickly, and shut off her phone. She knew Emily would be calling back after she'd spoken to Hotch and there was no time to waste. Taking her bag she turned off all the lights in her apartment and left, locking the door behind her and making her way to her car.

* * *

_\- 3 weeks later -_

Her phone rang for the fourth time and she frantically searched her bag for it before it went to voicemail, again. She grabbed it and answered at the last minute. "Reid! Hi." Sam said with a smile on her face. The past three weeks had been hard. There had been frequent late nights and early mornings and she'd lost a lot of weight over worrying and drinking too much coffee. They'd still not managed to track down Own and every minute which passed made her concerns grow.

She'd been so focused on her job at hand that she'd had very little time to talk to any member of the team, much less Reid, who she knew was still annoyed about the vague explanation she'd given him for her departure.

'_Hey, what's up I called you like four times?'_

"Sorry," she said softly, "I couldn't find my phone." She closed her eyes and listened to his voice, feeling the ache in her chest and the longing she felt to be with him.

'_OK,' he said slowly, 'Well how are you, how are things?'_

"Things are fine. I'm quite tired and worn down but hopefully I shouldn't be here for much longer." She sighed, "I miss you."

'_I miss you too.'_ He said, and she could hear the mirrored sadness in his voice.

"Hey Spence, we need to talk." Sam said, remembering what she'd decided three weeks ago.

'_What's wrong?'_ His voice immediately filled with apprehension.

"I don't know how long it is until I'll actually be back and there was something I needed to tell you. Doing it over the phone probably isn't the best idea but I am absolutely terrible at face to face things." She sighed.

'_Sam,'_ He warned, _'Please just say it.'_

She knew it was a bad idea to do it over the phone but it was her only option. She couldn't wait any longer because she didn't know what the next day would hold.

So she explained what had happened and how, just as she felt like she could be closer to him, she'd found out she was pregnant and had to go through the trauma of an abortion and how, since then, she'd hated herself so much that she didn't feel comfortable enough to be around him.

Though she tried to not sound self-pitying it was harder than she imagined.

It got to the point where she couldn't explain further as her throat caught and she began crying.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, trying to compose herself, "I know I should have told you sooner and this is pretty lousy but I just couldn't."

The line stayed silent for a while.

"Reid?" She breathed.

Then more silence, and just as she was about to lose hope, _'Come home.'_ He pleaded. _'I need to see you.'_ She could tell from his voice that he was emotional and she was beginning to regret telling him. Now he would worry even more.

"Reid, please don't, you know I can't."

'_No actually I don't,'_ He said curtly, _'Because you didn't say why you'd gone away in the first place. Sam I need to see you. You can't expect to tell me something like that and for me not to react.'_ He let out a long breath. _'I suppose you won't let me come and visit you either?' _

"I'm sorry." Sam replied.

'_Please come home soon Sam. I don't care what else you're doing. If I don't see you soon I might just go crazy and get a plane over there myself.' _She could hear the affection in his voice and knew that he'd forgiven her for not telling him right away.

"I'll try and call you tomorrow OK Spence, I've got to go now, sorry."

'_Stop apologising,'_ He said, _'OK, talk to you tomorrow. Love you too Sammy.'_

She smiled at the nickname he rarely gave her. They'd talked before about how it was hard to find something else to call her as her name was already short. Before her tears resurfaced she coughed and put her phone away, moving to carry on with her work.

* * *

"Why?" Sam questioned, "Why are you doing this?"

'_Why? Well because you and the others deserved it for putting me in that hellhole. The others are dead and now it's your turn. It's quite simple, just jump.'_

Sam looked over the edge and down to the swirling water below. "And if I jump you'll leave them alone and give yourself up?"

'_When you jump I'll end my life and this whole mess will be over. They don't have to get hurt.'_

"I hate you." Sam spoke with malice.

'_I know.'_ Owen said, _'I just don't care. Now jump or I'll kill them all.'_

She looked once again at the water and judged the distance the she had to fall. She'd probably survive the fall but drown soon after.

She jumped and, as she was falling, she heard the gunshot. Owen was dead and soon she would be too.

Closing her eyes she emptied her mind and prepared to take a breath.

* * *

The team were sat around the round table and waiting for Hotch. "What do you think is wrong?" Asked Garcia, again. "I don't know but it can't be good." Said Blake. "Especially if he's brought us all here this late.

Rossi and Morgan looked at each other as though transferring thoughts. "What is it?" Reid asked.

"This isn't looking good." Said Rossi.

JJ was just about to intervene but Hotch strode in, his pace fast. "Hotch what's up?" She asked the closed off Unit Chief.

He sat and looked at all the faces which stared back at him. After taking a deep breath he began to speak.

"At approximately 10 o'clock this evening joint Interpol/BAU Agent Dr Sam Carter drowned in the Thames after falling from Westminster Bridge. Her body hasn't yet been discovered but the point at which it appears she jumped from is covered in the blood of a man who shot himself at the time it is believed she fell. Interpol has closed the case and won't divulge any information about the man in question and whether or not the events are linked, but have given their condolences over her death."

The room was silent. Tears fell from Garcia's eyes, the team looked horrified and Reid was as still as stone.

"What do you mean jumped? That doesn't make any sense." Reid spoke in a breathless tone.

"I know this is hard for you all to hear. Her funeral is next week and I've arranged for us all to fly over to London for the ceremony. Emily will take us from there."

Reid's felt a pounding in his ears and felt the blood drain from his head.

"Excuse me, I need some air." He said in a rush and left the room, ignoring the calls of his name.

* * *

**Don't fear I have returned. I know this is a pretty heavy chapter for me to return on but things are about to unfold and there will be passion in the next 2/3 chapters I swear! Sam is gone but is it for long? Please READ and REVIEW! :) **


	23. Recovery

**Chapter 22 – Recovery**

_**\- **__2 months later -_

"How are ya' holdin' up?" Morgan asked Reid as they took the elevator up to their floor.

"I'm fine." The young doctor said flippantly.

Morgan sighed and knew he would get no further. Since the funeral Reid had been more closed off and almost openly miserable but hadn't admitted to anything.

They walked into the bullpen and had barely enough time to put down their bags and coffee before JJ came over and hustled them into the conference room.

The briefing was short. Garcia took her seat and it was Hotch who filled that team in. "Interpol has requested our presence for a large case in Washington. We'll be part of a large taskforce they're creating in order to try and apprehend a group of terrorists. Garcia you'll be joining us for the journey. Wheels up in 10."

* * *

When they arrived in Washington they were surprised to find a few familiar faces within the taskforce such as Owen Kim and Evan Ruiz. When they entered the building they were escorted to a room in which the other few members of the task force were seated in and they were informed that they would be briefed shortly however they were waiting for a couple of Interpol Agents from London to arrive. When these words were spoken all members of the team winced slightly, though unnoticeably.

After waiting a further 20 minutes the man who escorted them to the room returned, and following behind him was Emily Prentiss and…

No.

It was Sam.

Garcia gasped and Reid's mouth dropped open.

"I understand there is a complicated situation regarding Dr Carter's death however if you will all allow me to brief you and then we can begin." The man spoke briskly, introducing himself and explaining the situation and the time restraints, but Reid heard none of it. While the other members of the team were able to momentarily put off the onslaught of emotions Reid was finding it hard to control himself.

He couldn't stop looking at her, taking in every feature, every aspect which he had missed. It'd been three months since he'd seen her and he'd been hurting so much but it looked as though Sam hadn't missed a minute of sleep.

The conflict of accusations, anger and desperation within Reid was almost too much to bear, but still he drank in her image.

She wore pastel pink heels, chocolate skinny jeans, a cream jumper and a camel blazer. Topping it all off with matching pastel lipstick and dark blonde hair, curled and draped over one shoulder. All together the most fashionable thing he'd seen her wear and an outfit which he felt didn't suit her at all because of it. Even looking from a distance he could see she'd changed and he could figure out how, but then he noticed the small details.

The bags under her eyes, the way she was fiddling with her hands, which were covered in scratches, the paling bruises on her neck and the flicking around of her eyes. She looked rough, and uncomfortable.

But still Reid felt angry, more so then he ever had before, and his anger was overpowering his relief.

The man spoke again, louder this time and drawing Reid's attention, "I understand it is late and whilst I don't expect you to start on your investigations this evening I shall give you each an envelope with the case file and details in. All of which is extremely confidential information. I expect you to review them tonight and start planning ahead. Thank you for being here."

He left the room and the other members of the taskforce rose and followed, but the BAU team remained sat, as did Emily and Sam.

"I can't believe it…" Garcia began, but Emily interrupted.

When Sam was recalled to Interpol g the true reason was revealed as we didn't want to put any of you at risk. It was an internal matter which was only divulged to those involved. I still can't tell you everything that happened but what I can say is the decision to fake her death was not taken lightly. I know how hard a choice it is but there was no other option. We were facing an UnSub who had unknown operatives stalking each of you and who, through explicit letters, threatened to torture each of you unless she killed herself. I know it's not consolation but both Sam and I stand by the choice we made; I take responsibility for it as well so if you have any issue don't just take them up with her."

Sam looked up and spoke for the first time, "I am really sorry, I understand how hard it must have been but it was something which I had to do in order to bring the Op to a successful completion and to remove each of you from harm's way. If I had to do it again, I would." Her look was unyielding and for a moment she feared she would be rejected by her friends, but then JJ, Hotch and Rossi smiled and Garcia squealed saying _'I don't care I'm just so glad you're OK and don't you ever do that again'._ Blake and Morgan gave exasperated laughs and expressed their happiness at her arrival. However as Sam hugged Garcia and the others and spoke to each of them she noticed that Reid had remained seated and silent, a mixture of pain and hope across his features.

Though she was sure the others noticed this as well none of them mentioned it, and none of them said anything when he quietly said _'I'm glad you're OK'_ and excused himself. But each of them watched him warily, remembering his reaction to Emily and Maeves' deaths.

Sam looked after him longingly but made no move to follow him. "You know," Said Emily, "You should go after him. Trust me, the longer you leave it the worse it will get. It may not be OK right away but you'll get there."

* * *

When Sam made it back to her hotel room she sat in silence for hours, contemplating how to go about speaking to Reid, knowing it wouldn't be easily but longing to be held by him.

She was deathly afraid that he would never want to speak to her again, because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle losing him.

She had a drink.

And then another.

And she paced backwards and forwards and spoke to herself in soft tones. Then she heard a sound outside of her door and she paused. She could see a shadow but no one knocked. Stealthily she moved across the room and looked through the peephole.

It was Reid. Granted a very uncomfortable looking Reid who was shuffling from foot to foot and repeatedly looking down the corridor, but he was there. She saw he was about to lose his nerve and return to his room so she opened the door.

They stood staring at each other for what felt like ages before Sam felt able to speak.

"Hey." She said meekly.

Reid lunged forward and pulled her into his arms.

"I. Am. So. _Fucking_. Angry." Reid growled against her ear, burying his face in her neck.

Sam gave a half yelp, half whine in response. "I'm so sorry." She said, over and over again.

He pulled back from her and looked directly into her eyes, "Just stop talking." He said, "How could you do something like that? I almost… I couldn't…" His voice broke off.

Sam sighed and moved away from him, opening her suitcase and taking out an envelope. "This," She began, "Is what my other option was." Sam handed Reid the envelope and motioned for him to open it.

She watched him as he began to read and noticed the changes in his features.

Sam poured herself another drink and took the only chair in the room, composing herself.

"I know you're angry." Sam continued, "But it was my choice to make and I don't regret choosing it even if I do regret how it's made the rest of you feel."

Reid didn't speak but looked at Sam expectantly, as though there was something more he wished to hear. "It was necessary." Sam finished.

"Necessary?!" Reid almost shouted. "You don't know what I felt. Surely that wasn't necessary?"

Sam furrowed her brow and turned her gaze upon him, "Reid… You didn't, did you?" She got up and started to move toward him, but Reid took a step back. "No," He shook his head, "Don't be stupid." But still he held his shirt sleeves down.

Sam's breath caught in her throat and she looked down.

The room went silent for some time and neither the young female nor the shy man spoke.

Then Reid slowly moved across to her and took her hands in his. "I'm OK." He tried to reassure her. "I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here but I'm still angry, despite whether it's rational or not. I'm afraid that's going to show now and then."

"Don't worry," Sam interjected, "I understand if you don't want to talk to me or… Or be around me. I get it."

"Hey," He said, outing his fingers under her chin and tilting her head up to meet his. "I lost you and I've just got you back. Don't you remember when I told you I loved you?" Sam gave a small nod. "Well that's not changed OK. It's just difficult to process all at once." He took a long breath and rested his forehead against hers, "Give me time."

They stared into each other's eyes and breathed lightly. Then Sam closed her eyes and a tear slipped out from under her eyelid.

Reid wiped it away softly with the tips of his fingers and planted a forgiving kiss on her parted lips.

* * *

**Is it OK? Sorry I don't know how you'll feel about this one! Too mean? :) READ and REVIEW**


	24. Therapy

**Chapter 23 – Therapy**

"So it's been a while since I've seen you, and this will be your last appointment before you return to America?"

"Yes that's right." Sam sat looking down at her hands, fidgeting on the sofa in front of her therapist.

"Why are you more uncomfortable today?" Asked the elderly lady.

"I've just got a lot on my mind." Sam gave an offhand smile and composed herself, "You know what's happened recently."

"Sam," The woman began, "I need to hear you talk about, to put it into your own words."

"My own words…" Sam asked with a nervous laugh, "My own words… Well, I guess I'll start at the beginning." She sighed, "All I've wanted to do, my whole life, is to help people. When I got the opportunity to join the BAU – it was the most excited I've ever been. I mean travelling to America and getting a dream job? How often do those chances come about?" The old woman nodded for Sam to continue, so she blew out a breath and carried on. "It wasn't bad at the beginning, maybe slightly more intense than I'd imagined but I could get over that, I'm used to intense. Everyone on the team was so friendly and kind and I adjusted well."

The room went silent for a few minutes while Sam took to looking down at her hands again.

"I guess the problems started after we were kidnapped - after the torture. I mean, it was such painful and public humiliation… I was embarrassed to even speak to the team for weeks. I was hurting way more than I let any of them know and when Spencer… When he told me he loved me. Well I was excited, and happy, and everything good at once, but I was also scared and I felt like it was too much too soon and I didn't know how to cope and I started worrying even more because I knew I just wasn't enough."

"You doubt yourself far too much." Her therapist interjected.

"I know," Sam laughed, "I should give myself a break."

"Did you let your boss or even Spencer know how you felt?"

"No." Sam replied firmly, "It wasn't for them to know. And besides, all they would have done would have been to worry needlessly." Another breath out, "After that it took some time but I fund things were going OK. The whole issue with the abortion – I've never had to do something so mentally and physically painful in my whole life and hope I never have to again. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that choice," She held up a hand to stop the old woman from speaking, "I know what you'll say and trust me, I've spent hours trying to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, but I can't do that yet."

Sam took a few long, shaky breaths and tried to steady herself.

The old woman subtly, or not so subtly, positioned a box of tissue on the table between them.

"I feel so guilty for having to lie to everyone about my death. I feel like none of them trust me anymore and I just can't -" Her voice broke off and she put a fragile hand over her face to try and hide her pain.

"It's OK, take your time Sam, I don't have any other appointments today and this is important." The elderly lady stretched out and arm and rubbed her hand comfortingly along Sam's.

They both sat in silence for a while as Sam began to quietly cry and wipe up her tears carefully, for fear of smudging the little make up she was wearing.

"I enjoy my job and I love my friends, and boy do I love Spence as well." Sam started again, "But I'm finding it hard to cope with being there. I mean all the pain that's been inflicted upon me because of that job and my relationships with those people… Having to go into work there every day is difficult because I get an overwhelming sense of guilt and fear and I feel like such a disappointment. I can't protect them from anyone else and I can't protect myself from anything if I'm so busy worrying about them. It's a mess."

"You put too much responsibility upon yourself Miss Carter. They are fully capable of taking care of themselves. And a disappointment? Far from it, you are one of the most admirable and strong people I've ever had the pleasure of coming across. Are Agent Hotchner or the FBI therapist you've seen aware of these feelings at all? I believe the right thing to do would be to inform at least one of them as there is the possibility that these feelings could directly impact your work in the field. It would be in your best interests to be honest and it wouldn't be unreasonable to give you time off from the stress of your job."

"Mary if I can't do my job then I have no right being within any sector of law enforcement or even living State side. I don't want to leave but I need to figure this out. I just don't know where to start." Sam leaned back on the seat and closed her eyes.

"Maybe try talking to your partner? I'm sure Spencer will be there to support you." Mary gave a soft smile at the Dr's relaxed, yet nervous form. Her smile fell as she noticed something, "Sam," She continued, "You appear to have lost a lot of weight."

Sam went rigid and still, fearing what she would be asked next.

"When was the last time you ate three proper meals within the span of a day?" The elderly woman's brows furrowed.

"That's not relevant doctor." Sam tried to brush her off.

"Sam, you know it is, and if you can't keep yourself healthy then I don't have many options when it comes to involving other people. You know I want to help you, but you have to take my advice sometimes, OK?"

Sam gave a small nod of her head and accepted the hidden waning. Basically if she didn't start eating right again and sorting her life out then Mary would tell Hotch and she'd be pulled out of the field.

"Sam," the therapist pulled her attention back to the room at hand, "You work with profilers, some of the best within their field. They will have also noticed these changes so don't be so ignorant as to believe you're in your own little world. Your friends are worried about you, as am I. We are all here to give you the support but you need to start moving in the right direction.

"Yeah I know." Said Sam, resigned, "I'll work on it but I know it's not going to be easy."

"All of your symptoms are perfectly understandable considering the traumas you've been subjected to at such a young age. You've not had an easy life, that we both know, but with work the future always holds possibilities of being better."

They looked at each other warmly, Mary was like the Grandmother Sam never had, and although she was just her therapist they'd bonded better than any Sam had had before.

"Shall we set out your aims for when you get back?"

"Sure thing," Said Sam, remembering the task of setting goals from her first few times in therapy as a child. "I guess I need to talk to Hotch and Spence, start eating properly again, get a handle on my life, maybe get more organised, do things which make me feel happy every day and stop doubting myself, umm…" Sam cringed at the last point, (_'straight out of a self-help book' _Reid would have said). "Oh and also," Sam added, "I need to pick up some milk and tea." They both laughed as Sam jokingly turned the list into a shopping list.

"Well," Said Mary, tearing out the page from her book, "Give me a call in a few weeks, any times between those on the bottom of the sheet are OK, obviously there's a time difference, but let me know how you're getting on. You can always e-mail me as well. I'm here for you Sam." The old lady smiled at her as they both rose. They hugged and Sam left with a small wave, closing the door quietly behind her.

She always felt better after talking with Mary, now she knew what she needed to do.


	25. Firsts

**Chapter 24 – Firsts**

"How was your flight?" Reid asked, over their 4th glasses of wine.

"Tiring. I'm struggling to keep my eyes open here," Sam gave a small laugh, "But I need to keep my body clock in check and I wouldn't pass up dinner with you for anything." She laughed again and gave him a small wink which made him laugh in response.

"You have a really beautiful laugh." Reid said, reaching across the table to take her hands in his.

"Well I don't know about that." Sam replied nonchalantly, looking down at her lap and trying to pull back. But the young doctor insisted and wouldn't let her hands go.

"Hey," He said, "I mean it. You're beautiful." Reid's gaze was so earnest, so penetratingly vulnerable that the colour rose in Sam's cheeks. "Spence - don't." She said softly.

"What do you mean 'don't'?" He asked, "Am I not allowed to compliment you?"

"No you're not," Sam snapped. "Look, sorry OK, please just don't. I can't -" This time she managed to pull her hands back and put them in her lap, screwing up her napkin in order to keep herself under control.

"Why do compliments make you do uncomfortable?" Reid pressed.

"Because they don't make any sense." Sam countered, "Not for me."

Reid gave a frown and ran his hands though his hair, taking another drink from his wine glass.

"Don't be silly," He whispered, "Hey," He said louder, catching her attention, "Wanna' get out of here?" He gestured to the up market restaurant in which they'd be dining.

Sam gave him a long look, a mixture of brief confusion and sadness passing over her face, "Sure." She replied finally.

After arguing over who would pay, Reid took the check and ended the argument whilst Sam rolled her eyes. They both rose from the table and walked toward the coat desk. Reid was dressed in his usual suit pants, shit, tie and strangely stylish sweater vest but, as the night was cooler than it had been for a while, he had also worn one of his scarves and a jacket.

Sam on the other hand was wearing a fitting, sleeveless black dress with pastel Loubs and matching earrings. Stylish but not entirely functional.

Noticing her lack of layers Reid offered his jacket to her as they headed to the door and she accepted, moving into the circle of his arms so he could drape it over her shoulders.

When they pulled back from each other Reid tentatively moved his hand to hers and took it. He looked to her face, his eyes questioning, and she answered with a shy smile.

Together they left the restaurant, using each other as a tether as the conversation drifted from the evening to each other to their time in England. Slowly Sam moved closer to Reid as they walked and soon they were walking closely, side-by-side, his arm around her waist.

Eventually he asked, "Why don't you like being complimented?"

She sighed, "Because I never have been so it doesn't make sense to start complimenting me now when clearly I don't deserve them. I've got a lifetime of people to support my theory."

Reid's grip tightened on her body, "Just because a lot of people think something it, doesn't mean it's true. You're wrong Sam, you do deserve them." He stopped her in the middle of the path and turned so they were facing each other. "Hey, don't do that. Don't brush me off. It's not often geniuses get things wrong." He smirked at her and she laughed, giving him a light slap on the shoulder. "Well apparently geniuses aren't exactly humble either."

"I love you." He stated unexpectedly, "And you're beautiful to me."

Sam was lost for words, a state she often found herself in when Reid said he loved her.

He slowly put his fingers under her chin and trailed them down her neck, leaning in to press his lips to hers softly.

But at the last second she turned her head and his kiss fell upon her jaw, making her giggle. "Stop being cheesy." Sam whispered closely to his ear, her hot breath making him shiver.

They stood like that for a while longer, Sam's head buried in the crook of Reid's neck, then finally she pulled back and spoke, "Come on, let me get you a coffee."

"Um Sam," Reid replied as she pulled at his hand eagerly, "No coffee shops will be open this late."

Sam stopped to think and reasoned with herself, "You're right," She said, "Let's get a taxi, I've got coffee at my place." Gripping his hand firmly Sam gave a light tug which encouraged Reid to catch up with her as she hailed a taxi.

When they arrived at Sam's she paid the fee before Reid had a chance too and let herself out of the car, moving swiftly to unlock her front door. By the time Reid had thanked the driver and followed her she was already inside and flicking all the lights on.

"Everything OK?" He questioned, as he saw her gun in her hand while she looked around the apartment.

"Yeah fine," She spoke quickly, then, looking down at her hand, "Uh… Force of habit I guess." Sam gave a light laugh which sparked warmth inside of Reid.

"Let me get you that coffee." She added, draping the jacket over the back of the sofa and removing both her earrings and her heels. "Are you gonna' come in and close the door?" Sam looked expectantly at him as he stood in the doorway, "You're letting a breeze in…"

"Oh yeah, OK." Reid moved into the house and closed the door behind him. He took off his converse and placed them beside the door. As he followed Sam her kitchen he unravelled his scarf and playfully threw it over her shoulders. Grabbing both ends of the scarf Sam turned and walked backwards, so that she was facing Reid, and gently bit her lip.

The heat that rose in Reid's eye didn't go unnoticed.

"Is decaf OK?" Sam questioned, leaning against her counter.

"Decaf?" Reid said confused, drawing his eyes away from her mouth.

"Decaf coffee?" She repeated, "Is that OK?"

"Yeah, fine." He gave a little smile, "I'll get the mugs."

"Don't you dare drop them this time!" She warned jovially, giving him a wink. "Oh and there's no way I'm letting you near the sugar again."

They laughed together and Reid handed her the mugs, deliberately grazing her arms with his.

As Sam boiled the water she noticed the close proximity of Reid's body, and as much as she enjoyed it there was something which didn't feel right.

"Could you keep an eye on this while I go and get changed?" Sam excused herself and headed to her room, sensing Reid's stare as she left.

As soon as she entered her room she put her back to the door and closed her eyes, breathing heavily. She wanted Reid, oh she wanted him badly, but she just _wasn't ready_.

She was so embarrassed and had no idea how she'd tell him if it came to it.

Putting the thought out of her mind she changed, knowing that she had already taken more than five minutes.

When she came out of her room she was wearing a tank top and shorts, probably not the best idea if she wanted a platonic night, but her apartment was fairly hot, and besides, a part of her secretly enjoyed the way Reid looked at her.

The young male doctor in question had moved from the kitchen to her living room area and, having already placed the drink on the coffee table, was reading a book Sam had left out earlier.

"I didn't know you were a fan of Tolkien." He stated, putting down the book.

"He's only one of the best writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading." Sam leant over him and picked up the book, sitting down on the sofa close to Reid's side.

Slowly, she opened the front cover and looked at the inscription on the front page.

"Who's David?" He asked, pointing to the name written in faded ink.

Pausing for a beat Sam closed the cover and put the book on the coffee table in front of her, "History." She said.

Before Reid could respond to her offhand response she leapt up and walked over to shelves which held countless DVD's. "What do you say," She began to question, "to a Lord Of The Rings, Extended Edition marathon?" Holding out the box set she turned to Reid with an eyebrow raised.

"Sure." He said, sipping his coffee slowly.

Sam bent down and set up her DVD player, not noticing that her shirt rode up slightly on her back and her shorts stretched to fit her stance, giving Reid a partial view of a tattoo which covered her back.

Sam stood, straightened her clothes and grabbed the controller, heading over to Reid and sitting closely by his side so that he could wrap his arm around her waist.

"If I fall asleep then wake me please." Sam snuggled into Reid's embraced and pulled her legs up under herself.

* * *

The next thing she heard was the soft song as the credits rolled across the screen. "Hey," Said Sam groggily, "I said to wake me."

"I didn't want to wake you up; you looked so tired and besides, you talk in your sleep, I wasn't going to miss that."

"Oh God," She buried her face into his chest, "No… no… What did I say?"

"If I told you it would take the fun out of this." He grinned.

"Fun?! Spence, please..?" She moved onto her knees and put her hands together, "I will beg if I have to." She pouted.

Spencer laughed and it was a liberating and joyful sound, "No there's no way I'm telling you!" He moved to face her, "And if you don't stop pouting we'll have to do this the hard way."

"Oh no way," Sam giggled, "Don't tickle me." But her protests subsided into more laughs and she fell onto her back, Reid following her.

Eventually he let up and Sam lay with her eyes closed, focusing on catching her breath, but it wasn't long before she became aware of the weight of Reid's body on her. She glanced out from under her lids and saw that he was leaning up on his elbow, watching her face.

Fire zipped around her body and she felt sparks starting to kindle deep inside of her.

"Hey." He said in a low and husky tone, "You OK?"

Sam opened her eyes and stared directly into Reid's eyes. She'd not noticed their deep, chocolaty colour before and seeing them so close up made her gasp.

Neither of them spoke, they just stared at each other for minutes, until Reid declared his arm was getting tired, which made them both give slight sniggers.

And then he rested his forehead against hers and she held her breath as she noticed the changes in the air.

Reid brushed his lips against hers softly, once… twice… three times… And then his lips pressed to hers more firmly and their tongues intertwined as they lay with each other.

Slowly Reid stroked Sam's side as they kissed, his fingers touching all the right places through the thin fabric. The kiss deepened and Reid adjusted his position, moving over her. Sam tilted her head back and Reid began to trail kisses down her neck, as his kisses got lower she knotted her hands in his hair and breathed deeply.

Eventually, when his kisses reached her clavicle Sam's eyes shot open and she tried to push him away.

"No… Spence… Please stop –Stop." Sam pushed Reid off of her and he leant back on his eyes, eyes wide with concern.

"Sam what is it? Did I do something wrong?"

Sam felt worse knowing Reid would blame himself and she began to panic. "Reid please don't – Just stop – I can't."

She put her head in her hands feeling ashamed of herself. "Hey Sam, please don't cry… What's wrong?" Reid moved to sitting on the sofa, as Sam had, and relocated closer, trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry," She whispered, "I'm not ready." Sam rose from the sofa and went to her room to get her dressing gown; Reid followed.

"Sam, it's OK. I understand, just please don't walk away from me. I'm sorry, I pushed it too far." Reid looked genuinely guilty and Sam walked toward him as she tied her belt.

Letting the few tears she'd shed slip down her face Sam brought her hand up to cradle his face, "Spence, don't blame yourself. I'm sorry I freaked out I've just got a lot of stuff going on…" She paused, "It's not your fault. It's frustrating because… Because I know I want you but I just don't feel ready enough to… To…" Her breath caught.

Reid pulled her into an embrace and rested his head against hers, "You're OK Sammy." They stood together for a quarter of an hour, holding each other and trying to compose themselves.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Reid asked.

And, remembering what Mary had told her, Sam replied "Yes. I need to."

They spent the rest of the evening on the sofa, holding each other and talking about Sam's problems, Reid taking every opportunity he had to try and reassure her that he was always there.

* * *

**I know this was quite a long one so sorry about that! (Unless you enjoyed it which I hope you did - so good). They'll get together soon I promise, we just need to straighten out some kinks first (I kinda plan on having the rest of the story more focused on their relationship than their jobs at the BAU). **

**Also I want to know what people would think if I did a short crossover with NCIS: LA using the characters from this story (and the pairing of SAM/REID). READ and REVIEW and give me your opinions please :) **

**(I'd also appreciate links to DENSI fanfics, both smut and fluff because they are a hella' cute couple). **

**Thanks wonderful readers! :D **


	26. Intimacy

**Chapter 25 – Intimacy **

Just as Sam bent to take the cake pan out of the oven she heard the bell to her apartment ring. "Just a minute she called, throwing her oven mitts on the side and running to the door. Looking quickly through the peephole she recognised the familiar face. She opened the door and greeted the person on the other side, "Hey Spence, come in and close the door, I've just gotta' get something out of the oven." Turning from the door she rushed back to the kitchen and put the oven gloves back on.

Reid followed her in, throwing his satchel down on the sofa as he passed it.

"What have you made?" He asked quizzically, sniffing the air.

"Lemon cake. Do you like it?" Sam put the cake tin down on the hob and closed the oven door, once again removing the oven gloves and turning to him.

"I do yeah, can I have some?" Reid moved toward her jokingly.

Sam put her palm flat out on his chest and used her other hand to wiggle her index finger, "No way, I've only just got it out of the oven."

Reid put his hand over hers and leaned in to kiss her quickly on the cheek.

"How was your day?" She asked, moving to make coffee.

"It was alright. We consulted on a case in Idaho briefly but mainly it was just paperwork I had to catch up on. How did your meeting go?" Reid took a glass from a shelf as he spoke and poured himself some water.

"It didn't go as badly as it could have. Obviously they weren't happy with the hassle but they appreciated the fact that I removed myself from their jurisdiction before any events occurred so they didn't get dragged into it. Um… They were apprehensive about letting me back on the team but the references from Hotch and Rossi persuaded them enough to give me another chance, though I've got to retake a lot of the crisis control classes again. Apparently having old enemies running around after you isn't a good thing. Yeah, they weren't happy when I tried to point out it was none of my fault and the fact that I didn't appreciate their patronisation. But anyway, it's done, I'm back I guess. For now." She let out a long breath.

"For now?" He asked.

"Well… You never know what the future is going to hold. Come on, your coffee is done, let's go sit down while the cake cools."

Reid waggled his fingers over the cake and threatened to take a bite but merely laughed and backed off when Sam prodded him in the ribs.

Sam sat at one end of the sofa and Reid followed, placing his mug on the table and sitting at the other end. "Um, wow OK, subtle hint much." Sam said, half joking.

"What do you mean?" He asked frowning.

"Well," She said, laughing slightly, "Did you really have to sit all the way over there?"

"Oh," He said realising, "Sorry." He gave a sheepish grin and fidgeted, as though to move places.

Sam beat him to it, shuffling down the sofa and placing herself in his lap, leaning into his chest, "It's been a long day." She said quietly.

Reid slowly placed his hands on her as though unsure of his actions; one of her thigh, holding her to him, and the other on her hair, stroking it in slow movements.

"Hey," Sam whispered, trailing her index finger at the opening of his shirt collar, "Don't be so unsure of yourself. It's OK." Sam snuggled further into the circle of his arms.

They sat together for a while, talking about unimportant topics, until Sam remembered something.

"Have you got a letter about the formal award evening?" Sam questioned, thinking of the letter which had arrived early that morning.

"Yeah, I got mine yesterday. Are you going?" Reid questioned.

"I don't know," She said, "It depends on if the rest of you are going." Sam leaned back so she could look at his face.

"Well usually we're all expected to go, seeing as it's just for our State section." Reid said.

"Oh, that sucks." Sam replied, gloomily.

"It's not that bad," He interjected, "I mean you have to dress up and stuff but there's a meal and it's like going to a formal party. I didn't find it that bad, even though I've never been good with parties."

"Same," Sam added, "I'm never exactly the 'life of the party'." She said, making the bunny ears sign with her fingers as she spoke. "Well if everyone's going then I guess I have to as well. That means buying socially acceptable clothes."

Reid laughed and Sam smiled at the sound, "Don't worry," He said, "We get our own table so we can talk between ourselves for the evening. Just promise me you won't try and make me dance." He furrowed his brows and turned his head to her.

Sam threw her head back and laughed joyfully, "I'm making no promises." She said, "Wait – Does this mean I need to buy a dress?"

"I'm afraid so." He replied, chuckling. "So um…" He said nervously, "Were you thinking of going with anyone? I mean, you don't take partners but if you asked someone to drive you or sit with you or something"

Sam sat up and looked at him with a ghost of a smile on her face, "Well I did have someone in mind but it depends if he asks." She gently bit the smallest part of her lip.

"Sam," He whispered in her ear, the heat of his breath tickling her neck, "Will you go with me?"

She giggled and put her hands on the sides of his face, "I'm so glad you asked," She said, "I was worried I would have to drive myself." She laughed again and pressed her lips to his. "Can't wait." She whispered, catching her breath.

"Do you wanna' stay for dinner?" She questioned.

"Only if that's OK." The young doctor responded.

"I'll order Indian. My treat." Sam said as she got up to get the takeaway pamphlet from a draw.

"My treat." He countered.

"Oh no way," Sam quipped, "You're a genius, not a millionaire. This one's on me."

After they'd eaten, Sam took the takeout boxes and mugs to the kitchen to wash up. Reid trailed behind her, rolling up his shirt sleeves.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sam asked the young man.

"I'll wash, you dry." He ordered sheepishly.

Sam paused a beat then said, "Fine by me." And kisses him again, planting bubbles on the tip of his nose.

When the kitchen was clean they returned to the living room, Reid taking his place on the sofa again and Sam moving toward a cabinet. "Fancy a drink?" She asked him.

"I shouldn't," He said, "I'm driving."

"Spence, it's Saturday tomorrow. You could always stay the night rather than driving back late."

"Stay the night? Like on your couch." He queried, raising a brow.

"I think you mean sofa," Sam said, correcting him to the English term, "and you could stay in my bed. Just no funny business." She winked at him.

"Oh you don't have to do that." He said, colour marking his features, "And besides, I haven't got any pyjamas."

"Most people sleep in their underwear Spence." Sam countered, carrying two glasses of wine over to his seat. "But hey," She continued, "It's your choice." Sam held out one of the glasses to him with a somewhat hopeful expression. Reid looked from her, to the glass, to her again, his eyes finally settling on the glass. "Thanks." He said, taking the glass from her outstretched hand. He angled his face away from her as he took the first sip in an attempt to hide the blush which was now becoming more evident.

"Good." Sam smiled, "Well, seeing as we've got more time, how about Star Wars?"

Reid grinned from ear to ear and nodded his head, "You really know the war to a socially awkward doctor's heart." He joked.

Sam put the film in the player and settled down, finding her place at Reid's side.

Slowly, almost apprehensively, he put his arm around her waist and rested his cheek against her head.

They snuggled throughout the full two hours of the film and, when the credits rolled up, Sam turned the TV off and took Reid's hand, pulling him toward her bedroom.

Fatigued, Sam forgot her dignity and stood at her bedside, removing her bra from under her t-shirt and taking off her trousers, leaving her only in her top and pants.

She then got into bed and looked at Reid, "Come on," She said, "No one here but me."

Reid took the other side of the bed and stood awkwardly, taking off his tie and shirt, folding them into a pile. He then leaned down and took his socks off. He paused, bare-chested and bare-footed staring down at Sam's form under the covers.

The darkness hid the redness which had flooded his cheeks as he stood there. Gawkily he undid his belt and took his trousers off, leaving him only in his boxer briefs and in the cold air.

Slyly, through the dimness Sam admired his form as he climbed into bed.

"Night Spence." Sam mumbled, snuggling up to his most-bare form.

Sam drifted off into sleep as Reid wrapped his arm around her and observed her features. He did feel awkward at his state of undress, but Sam made him feel comfortable as he was. This was only the second time in his life which he had willingly been this intimate with another woman and he felt a small ball of warmth bundling in his chest as he listened to her steady breathing.

"Night Sammy." He murmured.


	27. Shopping

**Chapter 26 - Shopping**

"Oh but you look so nice." Garcia whined, "Come on. This is so you!"

"You do look nice." JJ added quietly when Garcia took a breath.

Sam stood in front of the store mirror admiring the dress in front of her friends. So far, Blake was the only one that hadn't said anything. "You've been really quiet," Sam began, "What do you think?" She aimed the question at the older woman.

"You look wonderful." Blake replied, looking at the dress and it's fit.

"See everyone agrees with me! It's the perfect cut and colour for the occasion. Not too formal that you can't wear it again but formal enough that they'll actually let you in. You'll look gorgeous! Now come on, please buy it." Garcia pleaded with her, widening her eyes.

"Fine," Sam conceded, "Let me go take it off and then we can go get lunch." The other women all chimed in with their agreements, feeling simultaneously hungry after their hours of shopping together.

Sam retreated into the changing room and looked once again in the mirror. She did like the dress, it wasn't low cut, far from it, it rode high and a single strap threaded around her neck to hold it up. It had a higher hem at the front and was made of soft, free material, so it looked as though she was floating. The back of the dress was what she was worried about. The fact of the matter was, there wasn't much of a back to it. It rode low, starting at the small of her back and leaving all of the above part exposed, thereby revealing her tattoos. She wasn't ashamed of her tattoos but very few people knew she had them; Garcia, JJ and Blake only just having found out and commented on them. Garcia fixating for longer than the others and stating things such as: _'Oh my God they are awesome. You rock!'_

Sam took her dress off and changed back into her t-shirt, oversized cardigan and skirt, finishing the look with her white DMs.

Once the four women had filed to the counter and paid for their dresses they headed over to a café across the road.

They ordered their food and sat together near a window, observing the crowds which passed by.

"Does anyone know who's actually getting awarded this year?" JJ asked, sipping her coffee.

"Well, I've done some digging and I know a few of the names. From what I've seen someone from our team is getting the FBI Medal of Valor." Garcia looked around the table with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Really?" Blake inquired, "Who is it?"

"Garcia sipped her drink coyly and looked out from under her lashes, "I don't want to ruin the surprise for you." She said and began laughing.

"What's the Medal of Valor awarded for?" Sam asked her other three team members.

"Officially they say it's awarded in recognition of an exceptional act of heroism or voluntary risk of personal safety and life. So basically it's awarded for risking your life to save others." Garcia chirped out this response, as though remembering from a Wikipedia page.

"As if we don't risk our lives on a day to day basis." JJ scoffed, taking another swig of her drink.

"It's been a long year," Blake chimed in, "It would be hard to narrow it down but I think I have a pretty good idea, and if I'm right then I owe that person my life."

Sam frowned at her as she spoke and looked between the women as they avoided her gaze.

Sam considered her own actions from the months before. There was no way, in her mind, that they would think her an option if they were still supporting the theory that the incident was her fault by association. However Sam was sure, after the meeting, that the board had accepted her view of the abduction as being another case with no special significance and not caused through any fault of hers. Her mind started drifting back to her week of torture and she shuddered.

"Who's up for shoe shopping?" Garcia squealed excitedly.

"Oh come on Pen, I've got plenty of shoes at home and there's no way you'll find shoes in my size. Heels are out of the question I'm afraid." Garcia looked downtrodden at Sam's response.

"Please," She begged, "I'm so not letting you go in your boots, you need some killer heels!" Garcia tilted her head which made her pigtails bounce.

"Um the emphasis on the 'killer' part is why I never have, and don't ever, plan on wearing them. Maybe some nice new boots?" Sam questioned lightly, hoping it would be enough to calm Garcia down.

"Yes, I can so work with that." Garcia grinned.

The four women put down their empty cups and pushed away their cleaned plates, standing and, in turn, each heading over to another boutique the quirky computer tech had spotted during their lunch.

* * *

**Short chapter – I know! Please don't kill me OK, the next couple of chapters will be **_**explosive**_** with drama and tension. 'Is that a play on words?' I hear you ask. Well… Keep reading to find out! **


	28. Medal of Valor

**OK so the Russian is supposed to mean 'I'm not sure she will cooperate', 'She will as long as we keep them alive'. I don't know whether or not I have done the language justice as I don't speak fluent Russian. If there are any problems then let me know! **** Please READ and REVIEW.**

* * *

**Chapter 27 – Medal of Valor**

Sam was finishing up her hair when there came a knock at her door. Sliding in the last jewelled hair clip she took a final look at herself in the mirror and moved to the front door, grabbing her bag and shoes, expecting Reid; however when she opened the door she was greeted with the face of her building supervisor.

"Yes?" She said, questioningly.

"You received a call about 20 minutes ago from a man named," He checked a piece of paper held in his gnarled hand, "A Dr. Spencer Reid..?" The old man paused for a second to allow Sam to reply.

"Oh, yes." She said, signalling for him to continue.

"The Dr. asked if you would be so kind as to wait in the parking lot across the street for him as he is running slightly late." The old man looked up at her again, hoping she would understand.

"OK, thank you." Sam responded. The old man looked annoyed at the fact that he had had to climb so many stairs to give such a small message, but departed without another word.

Wondering why Reid had contacted her building supervisor instead of just calling her Sam closed the door and set about collecting her things. She checked them off mentally as she did so: mobile - check, shoes - check, lipstick - check, medication (for her newly developed anxiety condition) - check and her reading glasses (though she doubted she'd need them) – check. Sam slipped on her shoes and left, switching the lights off and locking the apartment door behind her.

Once Sam had made it to the ground floor she began to think again about why Reid hadn't contacted her directly. Mulling this over and over in her head she checked for traffic and crossed the road, heading toward the parking lot for the building across the street.

Time was moving on and, though it wasn't that late in the evening, it was about 9:30pm and dusk was just beginning to set in, making the lot more shadowy than usual.

As Sam stood in the moonlight she continued to think and doubt started kindling within her. Reid had said he would be there at 'ten to ten' so they wouldn't arrive at the event too early.

He'd also told her that he would give her a call when he was on his way.

The more Sam looked at what was happening, the more she realised that something wasn't right.

Just as she was about to return to her apartment and call Reid a van sped out of the lot behind her, slowing down as it passed behind her.

A side door opened and before Sam knew it she had been tasered and was being dragged into the van amongst a group of sweaty bodies. Russian flew thick in the air as they talked, someone saying '_Я не уверен, что она будет сотрудничать_' Whilst another answered with '_Она будет делать все, что мы просим тех пор, как он держит их заживо_'. Sam tried in vain to translate what they were saying but her disorientation overwhelmed her. She was regaining control of her limbs but her head repeatedly hit the floor as the van sped onward toward their destination.

Sam groaned as the van stopped, trying to pull herself upright and out from under the burly men who covered her.

"Now," One of them began, his speech tainted by his thick accent, "What we ask of you is simple. If you do as we say then I assure you, no one will be hurt. However," He adjusted his position, bringing his face closer to hers, "If you disobey your orders then we will do this without you. And I promise you this: everyone will die. Nod if you understand me."

Sam nodded, her brows pulled together tightly in anger. "What is it you so kindly ask of me?" She spat back.

The speaker laughed, his cronies joining him. "Well, let us say that we do not ask. This is something we tell you to do. Firstly we need you to contact your Dr Reid and inform him that you had something last minute to attend to and that you will be making your own way to the event this evening."

The man held out her phone with Reid's number up on the screen. "We are fully aware of every code and I warn you, if anyone is alerted to our presence before we arrive then I will kill your precious Dr. Are you clear on that?"

Sam nodded furiously reaching out a hand for the phone; but the man held it back. "You will say only what we tell you to say. And you must do so convincingly."

He dialled the number and passed the phone over, gesturing for the other three men in the back of the van to be quiet. He held out a note pad in front of him with her responses written upon it. At the top of the page he had scrawled, '_Keep it on track!_' And he had underlined it four times.

The phone rang, '_please_' Sam begged to herself, '_please don't pick up_'.

'_Hey Sam, what's up?_' Came the cheery response from the other end.

"Hi Spence," Sam replied, cursing in her head, "I just thought I'd give you a call to let you know that I'll be making my own way there tonight. I had something last minute to do and won't be back in time for you to pick me up." Sam tried to sound as casual and flippant as she could but she knew her voice was strained.

'_Oh OK_,' He said, dejectedly, '_Is everything alright?_'

"Yeah everything is fine," Sam continued, reading the text held out before her, "I just had to go and pick something up. It probably could have waited but whatever." She gave a light laugh, pleading with herself, hoping she would be able to maintain her composure until the end of their conversation.

'_I should probably stop occupying you if you're driving them_,' Reid spoke, mirroring her laugh. '_Well I'll see you there then_.' He finished.

"OK, bye." Sam breathed, not knowing if this would be the last time they spoke.

'_Bye, love you_.' He countered.

She ended the call before his reply even registered.

"Is that good enough for you?" Sam growled with malice.

"Perfect." Quipped the leader.

"Well what is it you want me to do?" She asked, trying to shift herself away from him; a move which was impossible, due to the bodies surrounding her.

"All we require of you is to do exactly as we say. Now," He took something out from behind him, "Hold still while we get you all dressed up."

Sam froze when she noticed the explosives strapped to the vest.

"You said you wouldn't hurt anyone!" She screeched, trying to thrash out of their grasps.

"We won't necessarily detonate the explosives. Stay still," He shouted back at her, "Unless it is your wish to detonate them yourself."

Sam sat still as they strapped the vest to her, only half listening to what the man said to her.

She was to walk in with them, holding his arm as if they were together. When they had entered the hall she was to follow him to the middle of the room as he spoke and his men secured the perimeter. (He had refused to tell her how many men he had, knowing that the disclosure of too much information could end badly for him).

"You will not disobey any of these orders or we will shock you." He said, holding the remote to the shock collar she wore. "Shall we test it?" He questioned, smiling sadistically.

Sam shook her head vehemently.

"If you get in our way then we will leave and detonate the bomb, thereby killing you and everyone around you. Do you understand this also?"

Sam nodded, feeling the familiar sting of tears against the sides of her eyes.

"Sit still until we arrive." He order, nodding to the man in the front cab of the vehicle.

The van set off once again and Sam glimpsed at the clock on the dash. 10:10pm. '_Great_', she thought to herself, '_everyone will have arrived by now_'.

When the van stopped for the second time Sam looked up and observed the men around her.

One headed to the rear doors and opened them, letting the other two out, followed by who Sam presumed to be the leader, who had a firm grasp around her upper arm.

"Put on my jacket." He ordered, knowing it would hide the explosives.

The fragile doctor donned the jacket and followed the men to a door. By the looks of it, it was the back door to the event. Used only by staff, such as those catering.

Once or twice Sam contemplated running, but she knew she wouldn't get far with the collar on.

And once they had shocked her, they would drag her into the venue and she would be totally screwed.

At least while she complied she had an extremely small amount of freedom.

The party of six manoeuvred their way through the bustle of the kitchen and, Sam noted, she saw the man in charge nod to a few members of the kitchen staff, who then proceeded to pass on some sort of wordless message to the others.

As they continued their path toward the main hall Sam grew more and more crestfallen, counting numbers of people who she knew would far outweigh the amount of unaware FBI Agents seated within.

They paused at the entrance of the main function room. The burly man guiding her made eye contact with a few people around the room and then they began to move into place.

Sam stumbled and shuffled along, looking around the room, hoping that Reid wasn't there yet; but she saw him across the room and, just at that minute he looked up and saw her as well.

Immediately a frown covered his face and he shifted in his chair as though to rise.

Morgan caught his attention though and Reid turned to answer him, probably explaining his sudden alertness.

Sam and the leader reached the centre of the room and the four men who had entered with them drew guns and dispersed.

Sam was thrown to her knees, the jacket removed.

She heard a unanimous gasp and some people screamed.

The masses of men with guns herded them back into their seats, giving, and receiving, filthy glares.

Someone brought the man by Sam a microphone; he switched it on and looked around the room, making sure his audience were paying full attention.

"All communications within this room have been disabled. You will find no phone signal and all alarms are disarmed. Any security any of you thought you had were dispatched moments ago. For the next few minutes or so you are all under my control. Anyone who does not comply with my rules will get the following treatment," He moved out of the way, giving the whole room a view of Sam.

Realisation started to dawn on her but it was too late.

The large Russian flicked a switch and bolts of electricity ran through her, making her convulse and fall to the ground with a scream of agony.

"Do not try and be heroic or I will detonate this bomb and none of you will see you friends or family again."

He stopped and let these words sink in as he gazed around the room, observing the stares of sympathy and blame people were pointing toward Sam, who lay on the floor panting and groaning, trying to gain strength enough to push herself up with.

"Now you're all listening… We shall begin." He gave a gruesome smile and grunted out a laugh which was echoed around the room by his comrades.

"Oh fuck." Reid breathed.


	29. Translator

**The first bit of Russian is 'Translate for me' – which the 'baddie' orders Sam to do; the rest is pretty much self-explanatory as it is translated. I hope I haven't ruined the language! Any problems, let me know.**

* * *

**Chapter 28 – Translator**

"Перевести для меня" He ordered Sam, giving her frail form a sneer.

Slowly she pulled herself up from the floor and glared at him. "Why?" She choked out.

"You know why." He countered in a menacing tone. "Если кто-то из вас не слушают внимательно будет тяжелые последствия. Я требую только одного, так что большинство из вас могут расслабиться." He began.

"If any of you do not listen carefully there will be severe consequences. I require only one thing so most of you can relax." Sam's voice shook as she spoke.

"Будет ли ваш директор ФБР выйти вперед, у меня только с ним дела." The man continued to speak in Russian, trying to contort his face into something which perhaps resembled a cold smile.

"You can't be serious?" Sam questioned in an angry tone.

Immediately, and unforgivingly, the Russian pressed his thumb to the button controlling her collar and she dropped to the floor as the volts went through her.

"Aggh… Gah!" She gurgled out a cry as tears stung her eyes.

Despite her blurry vision she could still make out Reid's form fighting the restraints Morgan had put on him.

"Will your FBI director come forward, I only have business with him." Sam managed to say through tears which now flowed down her face. She was so ashamed of herself for giving in to the emotion that her mood quickly changed from one of helplessness to one of anger and determination.

Her muscles tightened as she prepared herself to fight or die.

As soon as those words left her mouth people around the room stood still. Though Sam knew the Director was among them she couldn't risk the repercussions of letting the Russian's have him.

And so her plan fell into place.

Ever so slowly she trailed her hand down her leg until she was able to reach just below the hem of her skirt and lift it slightly, so as not to draw attention to her actions. Earlier on she had stashed a small and discreet penknife in the band of her thigh-highs. Now it would come in handy.

Once she had located the device she pulled her hand back, carefully and quietly.

Closer and closer she got to the wires on the vest and the minutes passed.

It almost got to the point where Sam believed the Director would not give himself up, however just at that very second he stepped out from behind a group of people and put his hands up. "What do you want from me?" He asked; his speech hesitant.

"We can discuss this later. Come with us." The man in charge ordered.

"I'm not going anywhere until you promise me you will not harm any of these people… That includes Dr Carter as well. So go ahead and remove the bomb vest, or I won't be taking another step." His tone was firm but Sam could see that if the gun was pointed in the right direction his resolve would shatter.

It was probably kids, or a wife… Or maybe even an affair he didn't want revealed.

'_Self-preservation often guides our choices_', Sam thought.

Pulling her mind back to the task at hand she brought the pen knife up to meet the wires and started recalling everything she had ever learnt about deactivating a bomb.

Which, she had to admit, was precious little.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She had no other options – She had to try – She just hoped it was right.

She cut the wire and squeezed her lids together…

The wire cut and no explosion followed, which Sam took as a good sign.

With the realisation that the vest wasn't active any longer Sam looked at the neck of the large Russian in front of her.

Frankly, she had had enough of him giving people orders, and so she didn't feel much remorse when she plunged the blade into his Trapezius muscle.

Then all hell broke loose.

"Sam, just don't move OK. You're going to be OK, just let them take the vest off." Reid paced as a member of the bomb squad carefully removed the vest and took it away with them.

"I was fine." Sam replied mechanically, "It was deactivated." Her tone was monotonous and Reid knew she hadn't fully composed herself.

He moved her away from the rest of the team as they surveyed the room and spoke in hushed tones to her. "Sam, take some deep breaths, you'll be OK." His nervousness was rubbing off on her but he couldn't control himself.

"How many," She croaked, "How many died this time?"

"None of ours died, thanks to your quick thinking," He said, trying to praise her. However these words fell on deaf ears.

"Reid, how many died?" She dug deeper.

"Sam, you don't want to -" He tried.

"Reid!" Sam raised her voice, drawing attention from a few people around them.

He sighed, "Seven. A lot of them got away during the chaos, including the guy you stabbed with that knife. But don't worry, we'll find them." Reid tried to reassure her but she was no longer listening.

Turning away from him she walked to the nearest wall and slid down into a crouch.

"Reid, what's going on?" Hotch questioned as he approached.

"I think she's still in shock." Reid said softly, as though she couldn't hear, "She's been through a lot recently. I don't know how much more she can take. Maybe I should take her home?"

"They know where she lives. Don't take her back to her place. Keep her safe and don't leave her alone. I'll keep you up to date on what's happening and I'll see you early tomorrow. We need to bring the rest of these guys in." Exasperated, the bloodied Unit Chief turned and walked to the other side of the room, where the rest of the team were waiting.

"I want to stay." Sam insisted.

"Yeah, well that's not happening." Reid countered. "And it's not negotiable."

"Reid -" Sam growled.

"What is it with all these 'Reid's?" He asked, "Have I done something wrong, because you almost sound like my mother when she used to get angry at me. Come on, I'm taking you home." His attempt to lighten the situation failed however Sam stood and followed him to the door.


	30. Hold me

**Chapter 29 – Hold me**

The car pulled to a stop outside of the apartment building and Sam jolted her mind back into focus. "Where are we?" She asked in a dull tone.

"I couldn't take you back to your place for now so you can stay with me. Don't worry I'll keep you safe." Reid took her hand as he said this but it didn't console her. Quietly, Sam opened her door and headed inside, followed closely by Reid.

Reid managed to get ahead of Sam and open the door before her, giving her access. She'd been to his place very few times but she enjoyed the experience each time due to the vast amount of books and knowledge she found at her fingertips.

On this occasion, however, Sam found no solace within the pages and chose instead to drift from place to place in the apartment, finally settling on staring out of a window as rain began to fall.

"Hey," Reid said as he walked up behind her, "I know you've been through a lot, but you can talk to me about it." He paused as though he wanted those words to sink in. "Do you want to get changed and come and sit down, I brought your go bag so you should have some more suitable clothes in there. I doubt you want to stay in your dress all evening, even though you do look amazing…" He trailed off, hoping once again to get her attention.

"Thanks, yeah sure," She said distantly, taking her bag from him, "I'll be out in a minute."

Reid headed to the kitchen to make coffee and thought quietly to himself; Sam definitely wasn't herself and he didn't know if it was because of what had just happened of because of something more. It was times like these where he felt unable to profile, as Sam hid herself well.

Reid was pouring them both a strong drink when she entered, sporting one of his shirts and a fairly revealing pair of her underwear.

"Um, I made coffee," He said as he held her cup out in front of him. His hand shook slightly with the effort of not staring at her openly. "I hope it tastes OK." He said, turning in the direction of his sofa and making a beeline for it.

Sam sat down beside him and angled herself slightly, "Spence," She rasped out, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." He replied; her initial question already causing a frown to flow over his face.

"Do you hate the fact that part of my training is to kill?" Sam looked directly at him.

"What do you mean?" He countered.

"Do you think less of me because I am a killer?" Sam said, getting to the point.

"No! How could I? You're not a killer Sam; you catch killers, amongst other people, and you do good, how could I think less of you?" Confusion melded into the frown he wore.

"I've killed so many people Spence," Sam announced, her voice betraying her resignation, "I've taken so many lives." She sat back on the sofa and closed her eyes, "Too often does horror, beyond any imagination, fill our lives, and the line between good and bad can become so blurred." She paused and took a breath, "Sometimes I find the magnetic pull of stepping over the line far stronger than anything which my current life has to offer me. It's been a long time since I have found myself playing for the other side, and even when I did, I wasn't entirely beyond salvation."

"Sam what are you saying?" Reid asked, not understanding the change in direction.

"I am so tired Spence; tired of everything; tired of having to fight between the many natures of myself and having to reason to myself every time I end another life. I'm going to be honest, I have always loved, and will always love, the dissociative nature of undercover fieldwork, especially when the cover is deep."

"Are you saying you don't want to work for the Bureau anymore?" He questioned.

"I don't know what I'm saying Spencer," She said wearily, "I'm just empty. I need some time to think."

The room fell silent, only the sounds of their breathing cutting through the tension.

They drank their drinks and sat together, but did not speak, for almost an hour.

But finally Sam nestled her head into the crook of Reid's neck and said, "I don't want to be alone tonight Spence, please, I need this. Hold me."

She brought her lips up to meet his and ignited a passion which, though fierce, was also filled with depth; a passion which burned slowly, as a small ball of flame, traveling through her blood.

"Please." She begged.

Without a word, Reid stood and lifted her as they continued to kiss. Together they walked to his room where, when they had ceased kissing, the stood facing each other, once again in silence.

"I don't have much experience-," Reid started to mumble before he was cut off by Sam.

"We'll go slow," She said, "Together."

Gently Reid reached out and began to unbutton the shirt she wore as he trailed kisses up her neck toward her ear. He took her lobe into his mouth and nibbled lightly.

She groaned.

"Sam." He breathed against her skin.

His words were like gasoline to a fire and immediately Sam sped up and started hastily removing his clothing until he was left in his boxer briefs and she only in her lacy thong.

Reid watched her as she hooked her thumbs under the material and slowly pulled the lingerie down her legs, exposing herself and never breaking eye contact.

By this point Reid was extremely aroused and his face began to flood with colour at his embarrassment.

Sam led him to the bed and pushed him backwards so that he fell into a laying position and she could straddle him.

His hands found her hips and she slowly ground against his erection, only the thin fabric of his shorts separating them from full contact.

She leaned down to kiss him and, as she did, he lifted his hips off of the bed and removed his final piece of clothing.

He shifted his weight and rolled so that he was laying over her.

Their lips never broke contact.

Before he had a chance to make the next move Sam came up for air and said, "Condom?"

The sheepish look on his face told her that he did, in fact, have some to hand.

If she wasn't so consumed by what she was doing she would make a remark about how he'd obviously thought this would be some sort of foregone conclusion.

Banishing that thought from her head quickly she kissed him again and held on as they slowly and carefully had sex for the first time together.

And then more passionately and faster the second time.

And finally gentle but firm the third time.

At the end of the night Sam lay in Reid's arms, the air thick with a mixture of sweat and hormones, as well as other bodily fluids.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you." She whispered.

* * *

**I'm going to say **_**THE END**_** now guys. I'm sorry if it's not what you asked for but I felt like I was dragging it out for too long so I just wanted it over with. I'm not really feeling this whole story and more however I have some others brewing in my mind, whether they are a follow up to this one, NCIS based, NCIS: LA based or something else… Well… **

**I take suggestions but obviously can't do them all however I put all my effort in and enjoy creating things for the masses. **

**I hope you all enjoy this story, let me know please, READ AND REVIEW please, as a final goodbye to this one for now. **

**Bye, and thanks for all the support!**


End file.
